• Please read the thread in Forum News and Announcements pertaining to race related discussion on SF - thank you :)

How I'm doing


Well-Known Member
Hi. It's been a little while since I posted here.

I've been having ups and downs. I'm stressed and depressed about COVID. It seems like every day, there are more people dying and it's really getting to me. Every time I turn on the news it's worse. The predictions that are coming out, the awful stories...it's really, really getting to me. I know we aren't really supposed to talk about it, and I won't talk about it anymore, but it's just really getting to me, it's really upsetting me.

I am stuck at home and haven't been out in months. I am at such high-risk bc of my health problems and so are my parents, so I have to stay home all the time. I don't know if I will see my next birthday. And sometimes I'm not sure if I want to. Christmas was really depressing. We usually have a big family get together, but not this year. I can't believe it's the new year. It doesn't' feel like a new beginning. It still feels awful. Nothing has changed with the year 2020 ending. it's still the same hell.

I have been dealing with suicidal thoughts on and off. Sometimes they are very strong. I have some kitchen safes and have been locking up dangerous items so I can't use them to hurt myself. I keep all my medicine locked away and just take out what I need in the morning. I have good friends who are keeping me accountable by calling me and making sure I did it. Oh I know, I could lie to them, but I'm not like that. I can't lie to someone I know cares about me....It's just hard. Real hard sometimes.

Sometimes I want to die so bad.

Right now, the thought of death is really appealing.
But at the same time, part of me really wants to live.
I don't know if I will ever be free from suicidal thoughts.
Every time I turn on the news it's worse
Things will probably get much better once the vaccine is widely distributed.

It may help to keep in mind that the media thrives on hyping bad news as much as possible. That doesn't mean that C19 isn't a serious issue, it clearly is, but watching tv in particular may give be giving you a darker impression of this than is warranted.

It might help to consume less television news, and news in general, than you do now.

Contrasting what we are experiencing now with the 1918 flu might help put things in perspective. In the 1918 flu, about 10% of the US population died. In today's numbers, that would be about 33 million people, not the approximately 350,000 or so people in the US that have died so far from C19. In other words, it's only about 1% as bad as the 1918 flu was by percentage of the population.


Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
i know how hard things are right now @Talia862 but things will start to get better soon. they are starting to give out the vaccine but it'll take some time to get to everyone. try to hold on the best that you can for now. is there any way you could meet some friends at a park? of course use a mask and social distancing yo be safe. and for now you have people that care about you here.


Please Donate to Help Keep SF Running

Total amount