How I'm feeling

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Ralphbear, Jun 5, 2015.

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  1. Ralphbear

    Ralphbear New Member

    Hi, I never do anything like this but I can't even imagine talking about things like this to friends or family.

    Just recently my life has gotten rubbish - my mum got diagnosed with breast cancer and although it has been treated and is looking positive it has scared me into how short life can be. This same week my uncle died at only 48 and was relatively healthy. Although I wasn't that close to him it still shocked me.

    I have a girlfriend who I have been in a relationship with for 3 years however we don't have sex mainly due to how little she eats - although she won't admit it she has an eating disorder and has lost a lot of weight.

    My job has also been getting to me I have handed my notice in and Ive got a new job however it is a step back. I feel so hopeless on my days off I just sleep loads to pretend nothing's happening. I want to do something with my life but have no idea where to start.

    In the last two months I have been looking at more and more suicide methods and if i could just painlessly click my fingers and be gone I think I would right now.

    I would love to hear what some people think I should do to improve my life and if I'm potentially depressed.
     
  2. Starting Over

    Starting Over Active Member

    Hi Ralphbear,

    Have you ever talked to anyone about your depression? Perhaps a psychiatrist? You are dealing with a lot of major life events at once and it might be useful to have a neutral third party who can offer support, in person. If your not up for addressing your feelings, why not start by trying to help your mum? I can only imagine how scared your mum is. Does she live near you? Maybe you could spend some time with her on your days off, or even just talk with her on the phone if she lives farther away. Life, indeed, can be cut abruptly short, and I'm sure you will not regret spending more time with her :)
     
  3. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    Ralphbear, it does sound like you are dealing with depression but only a doctor can make an accurate diagnosis. I would recommend checking with yours. There are some incredibly effective anti-depressants available these days. Your doctor could help you find the right one. It could be a big help getting you past the recent hardships in your life. He might also be able to give you some hints on dealing with your girlfriend and her eating issues.

    I would not feel bad about taking a step back with your job. It is pointless to stay in a position you hate. Life is hard enough without dealing with that. I get the impression that you are fairly young. That means there is plenty of time to move forward again. I am curious as to how you wound up on your current career path? Did you just start in that line of work because it was available, or did you spend some time thinking about what you would really like to do? I would suggest starting there. Take a look at your interests and see how they match with your skills. Look at the different kinds of jobs that are available and find one that you really do like. If you can afford it, you might want to check with a career counsellor. They can be a tremendous help. But try not to let yourself fall into a career path that you really are not interested in.

    You might want to do some research on eating disorders to help you better understand you girlfriend. Spend some extra time with both her and your mom. Death is an unfortunate reality of life. Your mom will not always be there. Spend time with her while you can. I deeply regret not spending enough time with my mom. Learn all you can about her. Build those memories that you will cherish later.

    As to suicide. It really is not the answer. Think about how you felt after your uncle's death. Even though you did not know him well, it shocked you. Now imagine what your death would do to your mom and girlfriend. I am sure you don't want to put them through that. And imagine all the opportunities it would deprive you of. There are good times ahead for you. Let yourself be here for them.
     
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