how im feeling

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by *dilligaf*, Apr 3, 2007.

  1. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Today is the anniversary of the day we were told Nan was going to die. For a while after I suffered from what the doctors think was a mild form of PTSD. I have been fine for ages. But this morning it's back..and worse than ever.
    Right now I'm suffering really bad *flashbacks* I can see the look on the doctors face (the fake sympathy) I can hear what he said (About 6 months. There's no hope) And I can feel my Mum griping my hand for dear life.
    Then, I can see my Nan in the bed, being told, I can see her crying, and crumbling.

    We have to go to the hospital tomorrow..a major trigger place for me..to see if Nan can have anymore treatment. If they say no, she'll loose the will to fight, I know it.

    I cut last night for the first time in 31 days. I am so angry and upset with myself.

    I am hurting so much right now, over so many things.

    The person from my ab*se posts has been here again today..is here everyday. I just want to scream.

    And I've just come back from babysitting a SCREAMING baby. And now I've a splitting headache.

    I'm so worried about someone I love. Shes making herself ill and i cant stop her.

    People have hurt me beyond belief. Beyond repair.

    And im so fucking angry with the manipulative, using BITCH that its just .... forget it

    Sorry
    Anyway, sorry about that.
     
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Sam :sad: I know it sounds trite but it will get better. The visiting will stop and that will be one thing out the way.
    the back slide on the cutting front was just that, a back slide, u did so well you will do well again.:hug: :hug: :hug:
     
  3. starlight2006

    starlight2006 Well-Known Member

    Hunny you got over the PTSD back then and there is no reason u cant now. I know you can do it. And with the cutting - its true, it was just a slip up and you can get back to 31 days and beyond. We'll all be here to support you hunny :hug: and jus remember :whack: xx
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 3, 2007