How important is it, really?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Witty_Sarcasm, May 8, 2016.

  1. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I feel like I couldn't be into casual sex...I want to have an emotional connection with whoever I am sleeping with. I spent all this time worrying about finding "the one" for me, but should it really mean that much? Am I putting too much stock into a physical act? Half of me feels like I could just go out and have fun, the other half wants me to wait until I find someone who truly loves me. Is it better to wait to sleep with someone until you are in a relationship, or should it just not be taken so seriously?
    __d likes this.
  2. Inanimate

    Inanimate Well-Known Member

    Casual sex is exactly how it sounds; tedious. That's how I feel. If there's no emotional connection involved, to me, it's kinda just wtf...? I find it fairly acceptable if there's at least some emotional connection, but not an established relationship, that partners might want to develop further. However, having sex with mere friends and random people especially -- I find that irresponsible. Some people are into that anyway, but oh, well; let them do them.
  3. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Yeah, I mean I have been asked to be sort of...well, friends with benefits before, and that would be hard for me, because I tend to get emotionally attached so easily. If I was able to detach my feelings from things, it might not be so bad.
  4. some_random_name

    some_random_name Well-Known Member

    Don't lead yourself down that path. You'd be cutting out a part of yourself. The part that says sex should be something that bonds. You'd be selling yourself short. Men would walk over you and just see you as a piece of meat. They'd treat you with no respect. According to sociological studies, premiscuious societies are those that aren't civil and they only breed worse things to come. So no it's much more then just an act.
    Mremptyinside likes this.
  5. Inanimate

    Inanimate Well-Known Member

    Actually, to rephrase this, I'd say having friends with benefits is more irresponsible than having one-night stands with random people.
    What are you hoping to gain from engaging in casual sex? Just curious. Is it just for the fun and pleasure, or...?
  6. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    It just seems like a lot of people I meet aren't interested in relationships. I am not sure if I will ever find love, so I wonder if I should just accept that I might only have people in my life that are interested in me on a physical level.
  7. Inanimate

    Inanimate Well-Known Member

    I see. Well, you definitely shouldn't accept that! I think you've just met the wrong people. Have you met them just by chance? If so, then you're not exactly, actively seeking a relationship, IMO. You could consider dating. Of course, whether or not you want to go that far is up to you. I just don't think casual sex is a logical response. Another option would be to accept your situation but deny that no one would be romantically interested in you. That's easier said than done, to say the least, but that's much better than losing hope completely.
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Casual sex made me feel cheap, used, dirty and a piece of garbage. I felt like an unpaid prostitute but hey that's just me. I would wait for ''the one'', where there is meaning and a true bond. Having sex with someone you love is magical, i'd definitely wait if I were you. Date and take things slowly then go from there :) My promiscuous days are over thank the lord but I still have to find that special one who I do believe is out there :)
  9. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I see your point, but I've been waiting a long time to find love. Sometimes I wonder if it will ever happen for me.
  10. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I guess I am too hard on myself and also feel unlovable. Whenever I think I find someone I am compatible with, it always ends. So I guess that's why I feel like I may not find someone.
  11. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Thanks, I hope we both find the right one for us. It gets discouraging after going through so much pain. I just want a simple life with someone I love and for them to feel the same about me.
  12. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I'd say do what you feel is right. Some people enjoy casual sex, and get a need fulfilled with that, other people not so much. Personally before my boyfriend sex was gross and a chore for me... now it's something I look forward to working on once he gets here... and yup, that's because there's an emotional connection, and I trust him.

    Listen to your mind, and your body. Don't do anything for someone else, do what you chose for you. That's the important thing here. You.
    Witty_Sarcasm likes this.
  13. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Yeah, you're right....I have to focus on my own needs, and not anyone else's. I have to do what makes me happy. I feel like no one is interested in me for very long, even for physical reasons. So then I start to become self-destructive and hurt myself even more when I feel worthless. It is a bad pattern I need to break out of.
  14. Inanimate

    Inanimate Well-Known Member

    I think my initial post was a bit too critical. I definitely prefer sex with an emotional connection as a factor, personally, but I'm not entirely against casual sex. I still think that it's irresponsible to an extent, but I wouldn't forbid it. Like I had said, a good number of people are into that, and that's fine; it's okay, but only as long as you're careful. You're free to do you -- in moderation. :D

    Now, I'm not assuming that you've chosen to engage in casual sex; I'm just altering my standpoint. :)
    Witty_Sarcasm likes this.
  15. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Oh no, I didn't think you were being critical. I think you gave good advice, so did everyone else who posted. When it comes down to it, I have to do what feels right to me, not to please anyone else. I've been doing that for far too long and it really gets me nowhere.
    Mremptyinside and Inanimate like this.
  16. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN SF Author

    Only you can decide how you feel about sex. I have had casual sex and it was fun - I don't think there is anything cheap or dirty about it as long as everyone knows what it is and you don't have a situation where one person is emotionally invested and the other isn't. The perception that sex with someone you don't love or don't have any emotional attachment to is wrong or cheap or skanky or slutty etc is just a social construct and it is outdated and inherently sexist. If you want to only have sex with someone who loves you, that is a totally acceptable choice. If you want to have sex with random people because its a pleasurable act and you enjoy it - that is totally acceptable too.

    For myself - I don't find very many guys attractive and the ones I do find attractive it is usually because I know them and respect them. Obviously I wouldn't have sex with someone I didn't find sexually attractive so that narrows the field for me considerably. But that is just how I 'tick' - its not the 'right way' but it is the right way for me. You need to find the right thing for you. If you think that casual sex would hurt you (because you'd want more and they may not) then obviously the right thing for you is to wait until you already have the 'more' and are in a more secure position.

    What I am saying - in summary - is don't let anyone tell you casual sex is cheap or wrong - its no 'cheaper' or more 'wrong' than hugging or kissing if both parties are fully consenting adults - leave the social constructs behind and make your own choices for yourself.
  17. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I don't feel there is anything wrong with casual sex, I just worry that I may not be able to keep my feelings out of it. I tend to get attached to people easily, so that is something I need to work on. Not everyone will feel the same way about me that I feel about them, but I am sure that one day I will find the right person for me.
  18. Northern

    Northern SF Supporter

    I'm also sure that you will find someone who will love you deeply :)

    Casual sex very often end up with one of the 2 being hurt. Don't engage to it just because it seems the normal thing to do in your social circle. If you decide to go that way I'd strongly recommend someone you are not friend with.

    About people not wanting relationship; don't forget that people lie a lot. A lot of thos who act like they enjoy being single life really wish they would find love. I know because I am one of those person. It's just easier to say: I am well on my own than saying: I really wish someone would love me.

    Good luck!
    Witty_Sarcasm likes this.
  19. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Thanks :) You make a lot of good points. I'm sure you will also find the right person for you one day :)
    Northern likes this.
  20. silis

    silis Active Member

    its a waste of time
    any time spent having sex is wasted
    play videogames and make friends(friends that dont use you for ingame purposes. watch shows with them and ask to play other games with them to find out if they are legit)
    friends last and bring joy, they are good for you
    sex only brings pleasure, which is bad and a waste of time and corruptive
    mentality over physicality