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How is it possible for decent human beings to exercise patience with...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Ldub20, May 25, 2014.

  1. Ldub20

    Ldub20 Well-Known Member

    rude, selfish, inconsiderate people?

    Please don't delete this because this ISN'T a repeat question. I haven't asked this before. I'd like to know how certain people can shun, ignore, reject, and ostracize those they lack patience with (aka people with ADHD) but refuse to do the same with rude, selfish, inconsiderate people. This user told me that being rude, selfish, inconsiderate, teasing others, and getting away with it can help you become popular because those are socially acceptable traits. If that's the case, lots of people must exercise patience with rude, selfish, inconsiderate people, as inconceivable as it sounds. Is naivete the only reason decent human beings exercise patience with rude, selfish, inconsiderate people and refuse to shun, ignore, reject and socially ostracize them, or are there more reasons? You can bet one of the reasons the Santa Barbara shooter snapped was because too many people lost patience with him. That ain't to excuse his behavior. Just saying that's a possible motive.

    And p.s. I posted this in the relationships and sexual orientation section because this does deal with human relationships. If it belongs in another section please let me know. And please let it stay up.
  2. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Firstly, if that what it takes to "become popular", the price is too high. I don't think there are many who exercise patience with people who are deliberately rude, selfish and inconsiderate - why should they? They are not socially acceptable traits at all - just the inevitable result of watching too many 'sit-coms' where that stuff is all cleverly edited and any hurt feelings end when the program does. The SB shooter snapped due to some very sad, twisted thinking and an inflated sense of entitlement. Of course, this does not excuse what happened, but I'm not surprised as when people can't 'get centred' they go to the fringes......
  3. Ldub20

    Ldub20 Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your response urPrecious. The reason the SB shooting bothers me so much is because there are reports he had Asperger's. In no way shape or form will this define my opinion of aspies but it MIGHT give them a bad name. I am really hoping those girls rejected him and shunned him because he came off as a douchebag. I also hope the MAJORITY of women don't go for assholistic douchebags. That'd be f'd up if that were the case.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 25, 2014
  4. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    There could be any number of reasons why these reports have circulated Ldub - not be cynical, but ANYTHING to help absolve him of responsibility. With high-flying parents there's plenty of cracks he could have fallen into instead of asking for and receiving the best counselling available for his thinking and associated conclusions and feelings. I'm not going to make any judgements, but one can't help wondering.......

    Society is pretty f'd up anyway Dubby - both sexes are confused about their place/roles and (imo) it isn't getting any easier with pushes towards blurring the genders
  5. Hatshepsut

    Hatshepsut Guest

    I will leave out the shooting analysis, since I don't know details, and don't want to think about shootings right now. Your basic question is interesting and deserves effort to understand.

    I think shunning and some bullying has to do with cliques. There are pseudo-popular people in social settings, especially schools. I don't know much about your history. But anyone who isn't pseudo-perfect by teen judgmental standards gets the treatment. They're too forward, like ADHD, or too shy, like depressed. The shunning and bullying do in fact help perpetrators of this kind of behavior to advance in their cliques and in the world, to some degree. They're the folks who have it all and are top of the pack in school, sports, girls and boys, etc.

    I don't know that you are still in your teens, just that the pattern seems to start in earnest then.

    Those who agree with Darwin can explain it in terms of evolution. The cliquish pass down genes more often, although lots of doubt must attach to any notion that genes directly cause such behavior. Genes could promote gregarious, glib personality as a "mating attractant," you might say, and the glib are in turn more likely to jump on the judgment bandwagons uncritically.

    Yet behavior that's understandable at age 14 should diminish as people get older and more sophisticated, and learn how to hide their true feelings better for politeness. People who keep shunning or bullying into adulthood usually don't fare too well. It goes downhill from popular to being viewed as unsavvy or unintelligent. As urPrecious says below, the sticker is steep.

    Best wishes to all...
    Last edited: May 25, 2014
  6. 1112222

    1112222 Well-Known Member

    I really don't get the logic behind this thread because if anything after reading his manifesto the SB shooter comes across as a text book definition of the rude, selfish, inconsiderate person that you always seem to rang on about.
  7. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    It is actually really easy because to do anything else would make me a rude inconsiderate or selfish person.
  8. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    i knew this would hit you hard dubby. here at SF we know you as a man of great kindness and decency. let your true personality shine through and you will be fine my good friend.:hugtackles:
  9. justMe7

    justMe7 Well-Known Member

    I'm not sure I agree with your comparison with people losing patience with those who deal with ADHD like symptoms and people who express assholish attitudes?

    Did you even see the videos of that kid anyhow? He's obviously been brought up to believe in pr-determined states in life, which is completely disillusion. The guy built his future prospects on a fantasy, and then filled the void with excessive ego. He didn't understand relationships. He saw terms, placement and more before he saw people.
    Try not to focus on understanding that fuckwit. He snapped, and I can clearly lay a large portion of the blame on his parents for not guiding him properly. He was in a particular area of society where he had things. That requires understanding in order to relate to the rest of the world. Otherwise you see the world completely skewed, and like it owes you something. And when it doesn't give you what you think it owes you, it collapses your little world. Especially if you expect "A" to happen, which leads to "B", then "C" all the way to "Z". Stupid kid thought he was going to fuck a blonde chick just because he went to college. Nothing just happens. He's defiantly not alone in some of the ways he thought, but I highly believe his upbringing made it easier for him to respond so violently.

    My point is, drop looking at this idiot. It's poison for your life and everyone elses in my opinion.

    And people are not attracted souly to those negative characteristics you mentioned. You'll find it's the people who "do things" who have confidence in what they do and who they are, which can cause people to be attracted to them. All those other attributes you mentioned are merely extensions from confidence, or a persona of it. You'll always get people attracted to assholes. But you can't look at it like that. If you are intrigued by that, you might want to query why those individuals are attracted to people with those traits. But again, I think that is a huge waste of time.

    P.S I havent heard about aspergs and him. But I wouldn't be too surprised. Next they'll blame video games, and the weather. Simple conclusions for those who need to be told about something they don't understand, but need some sort of conclusive information on the subject.