Today I find myself with few friends, only one I can even call a "good" friend. Most of my interactions with other people are done over the net. I spent a large part of today thinking about why it's come to this and well I think I need perspective on how I really have it (life that is). This will be a rather large post so sorry about the large wall of text. When i was between 4-7 I was sexually abused by my older brother, we used to shower together and he'd often make me touch his penis etc (he is 6 years older then me). I haven't told anyone I know about these events. During this same time period of my life I had to deal with being woken up late at night to loud arguments between my father and my brother, keeping me up to late in the night. When I was in school I was overweight and shy, and had the self confidence that most overweight kids have. I managed to shed the weight but even to this point in time I am still very self conscious. At this point in time I made about 4 good friends, and made few others between that point and now (I am still on a friendly basis with all 4, at least I was). Skip forward to junior high, at this point I had lost my weight but had been diagnosed with roseacea which in short makes it look like I am always blushing, and when I do get embarrassed my whole face turns bright red. One kid in the school went out of his way to make my life hell, mocking me even making a Myspace page in my name totally make an asshole out of me. My grades were good in the mid 80's but I came to a point where I decided what I was learning was useless and stopped going to school, just hiding in my basement and blocking the school on the phone. This ended up with them calling an emergency contact number and an uncomfortable meating with my parents and the principal about me forging documents (notes, report cards, newsletters, etc). In the end I did end up going to highschool and not failing in my final year of junior high. In that same time period I witnessed my mother go through a mental breakdown and try to kill herself xxxx she wound up in a mental hospital and is to this date still medicated. I also prevented my brother from xxxxx 3 times. He was also hospitalized for having a mental breakdown. In highschool I started dating a fairly attractive girl I had known for some time. She moved to the states with her family and we lost touch. After numerous rejections and "i love you like a brother" I feel like there is no sense trying anymore =P. This year I felt like there is no point in going to school anymore haven't shown up in about a month and a half. None of my friends have made much of an effort to find out where i've been so I haven't felt a need to tell them. So now I don't really see much point of living anymore....i've probably missed some things but yeah thats about it.