I used to be able to write to get out my feelings, or to better express them, but I'm in a rut. I don't know if it's the meds making my brain foggy, or I just grew out of it, but I feel like the one thing I had close to my heart. writing, is gone. I used to be able to tell people about what was going on with me, and now I feel useless and silent. And I can feel myself getting bad more and more with anxiety, but sometimes the suicidal thoughts come back. And along with that, my friend is really suicidal, but he lives halfway around the world and I can't help him with my words. I love so many people that I feel like I can't help. I don't even remember how I got through depression the first go around. How am I supposed to do it again? Is this all there is for me? Am I just going to decline until I can no longer see straight because of mental illness? I'm just so tired of not being able or too tired or incapable or doing the things I wish I could do. Without the people I love and my self-expression, how can I cope, and why should I live?