How I've Been Feeling Lately

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by AmeliaS., Apr 14, 2015.

  1. AmeliaS.

    AmeliaS. Member

    I used to be able to write to get out my feelings, or to better express them, but I'm in a rut. I don't know if it's the meds making my brain foggy, or I just grew out of it, but I feel like the one thing I had close to my heart. writing, is gone. I used to be able to tell people about what was going on with me, and now I feel useless and silent. And I can feel myself getting bad more and more with anxiety, but sometimes the suicidal thoughts come back.
    And along with that, my friend is really suicidal, but he lives halfway around the world and I can't help him with my words. I love so many people that I feel like I can't help. I don't even remember how I got through depression the first go around. How am I supposed to do it again? Is this all there is for me? Am I just going to decline until I can no longer see straight because of mental illness? I'm just so tired of not being able or too tired or incapable or doing the things I wish I could do. Without the people I love and my self-expression, how can I cope, and why should I live?
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    sometimes if we force ourselves to do the things that use to bring joy to us again and again sundennly they start to bring that feeling back but it takes time
    If you are feeling in a fog with your medication then talk to your doctor ok the dose maybe too high for you you should not feel numb or in a fog
     
  3. ChestnutMay

    ChestnutMay Antiquities Friend

    I know what you mean about no longer being able to write. That happened to me, too. Have you tried some other creative outlet? Maybe drawing or photography? What about taking up a musical instrument? The writing might come back, after a break. I took up drawing and drew my way out of depression, now I'm starting to write again.

    I'm really sorry about your friend. Even if you can't make him better, you are helping, simply by being his friend. So many people fight this alone. I know you worry that you won't be able to help enough. It's very scary. And being so far away is very hard. I hope he starts to feel better soon. Not just for his sake but so he can return the favor and be there for you.

    The prospect of facing a lifetime of recurring depression is really demoralizing. Each episode isn't necessarily worse than the next, until you can no longer function. At least that's been my experience and I've been dealing with this crap for decades. Some are more severe than others and sometimes you can head them off at the pass. Starting or changing meds. Interacting more with people. Starting a creative project. Working out. That sort of thing.
     
  4. AmeliaS.

    AmeliaS. Member

    Thank you for responding, it means a lot.