1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

How long are these feelings supposed to last? [TRIGGERING]

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Jacey, Nov 13, 2010.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Jacey

    Jacey Member

    Jacey here. 16, junior year.

    I know that no one can really answer this question, but how long do a stint of suicidal feelings usually last?

    For me it was alway usually 4 or 5 days. I'm now creeping up on 9 days.

    It is not like I having been questioning life, but recently myself and a friend have taken the quest to answer life's questions. I know at age 16 the typical kids are all texting, hopped up on caffeine, and facebooking, but I left typical behind in 5th grade.

    So my friend and I came up with two truths:
    1) If everyone could agree that we would never be able to understand truth or each other's "truths" then there would be no more war.
    2) That will never happen.

    So from this we concluded that we are all doomed to war. Hilarious, right?

    Then last night, my friend who I have never really talked about my suicidal feelings with, said "Why would they want anything from us. We are worthless."

    It lead to me agreeing with her. I am worthless. Life goes on with or without us.

    Well we also concluded that nothing outside of the mind exists.
    The mind exists, therefore your thoughts exist. So emotions do exists. Pain and agony exist.

    You see how messed up we've gotten.

    Now I feel more suicidal than ever. I am worthless. Sure some people will care if I die, but in the long run nothing matters.

    I'm sorry if I broke any rules or triggered any of you. I am just so lost in my mind. My truly existing mind.

    This agony, this existing agony, I want it to stop. I feel like no positive affirmations will help this one. I can't believe anything anymore.

    My own high school band family ridiculed me. People I loved and trusted to be there when my own blood family was too much. The director told my section, the section I am supposed to lead, to get out of his rehearsal we were so awful. And when I needed my family to be there the most what did they do? They clapped and cheered as we left.

    Now I trust no one except my friend. I'm just done with trusting anyone else.
  2. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    Wow, you two went deep and pensive didn't you? I love your thought processes, they're really logical. The problem is that you might not be in the right paradigm. Lets go through it all again using a different model:

    So! First of all this is a false premise - most wars are done in the name of religion/political belief but are actually all about money and economics. It's got nothing to do with people's 'truths' and every thing to do with money and power. Look into it, it makes fascinating reading and you'll learn lots.
    Next: Yep, there will always be war but if you're going to be philosophical then you have to ask yourself 'Does society need war and if so, why?' You then need to bring that down to the individual level (and peoples individual truths) and ask why some people are violent and others aren't. Do we need people who have the capacity for violence? Police men, soldiers...lots of good people come into contact with violence every day and they have to be able to deal with that.
    Try looking at it from that perspective and see what you come up with.

    How messed up? It's you two and a whole history of highly respected philosophers if so.
    Yes, life would go on without you but that doesn't make you worthless. You are worth something because you can add to life. You could add good things to life. That makes you valuable.
    There are tonnes of philosophical arguments over whether anything exists outside of the mind and if it's a subject which interests you, then go and look them all up. Personally that stuff bores me to death. There's no answer, just opinion and what difference does it make anyway? I can't go to my bank manager and tell him that I won't be paying my mortgage because he doesn't exist outside of my mind.

    You are not worthless, you are valuable. Every good thing that you can add to your life and the lives around you are valuable.
    You're feeling suicidal because you and your friend have managed to philosophise yourselves in a dip. Learn from that. If you're going to study the wonders of life then you'll need to balance it out with some trashy novels or something.
    I used to work for a woman who was a nuclear physicist. Seriously intelligent at the cutting edge sort of stuff. She read the trashiest science fantasy novels she could find when she got home because she had to balance all the deep stuff out.

    However, now you've got yourself in the depression, then you're going to have to do something to get out of it. You're overreacting to things and getting far too upset. Go back to your doctor and get your meds checked. Tell him/her that you're dipping badly and need some help. Then you're going to have to ride it out, might take a couple of weeks.
    Sending hugs xxx
  3. Jacey

    Jacey Member

    I don't have a pdoc. Or a doc for that matter. Money and family issues. Never had treatment for my depression and don't plan to 'till I'm in college. that is another matter entirely.

    I do see where you are coming from. I guess it is just too easy to fall into my philosophical state of mind. I've accepted this as my 'truth.' It is going to be harder to climb out.

    But I don't really want to.
  4. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    if you had a broken leg would you wait until college to get it checked out? your mental health is the same way. when it's an emergency (and it sounds like it is) you need help now. please reach out.
  5. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    It is so easy to fall into the pensive philosophical musings of the world as a whole. You've not done anything that teenagers all over the world have done. I can remember when I did it. Read all of George Orwells novels one after another and ended up suicidal. I cried my way through most of them.
    That doesn't mean you shouldn't pursue these activities. George Orwell remains one of my favourite authors of all time but I don't read all the books in one go any more.
    It means that you have to balance it with lighter things, frivolous things that are nothing more than fun. What are your guilty pleasures?

    Also Dazzle is right. You're an intelligent young woman, why aren't you looking after your health? You need to see a doctor and as soon as possible. You have to deal with this Jacey. Apart from anything else, you'd not finished the philosophy stuff yet and you're going to love Chaos Theory :)
  6. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    Ah... solipsism. I honestly think, now, that it is the most dangerous philosophy ever envisioned.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.