How long can a person be lonely for?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Frequency, Aug 16, 2010.

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  1. Frequency

    Frequency Member

    I have social anxiety, and spend all my time outside of work alone.
    I have no friends and have never been in a relationship of any kind with a woman.

    I'm currently 33 and wonder how long this situation will have to last before it's ok to check out early? I can't really see myself living maybe 50 more years like this.

    (I'm not suicidal right now, I just want some input or advice)
  2. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    You don't have to live for 50 years like this. There is always hope of change, especially when you never stop fighting for it.

    Do you have any help for your social anxiety?

    I can relate a lot to loneliness, and I'm sorry you also struggle with that. It doesn't have to be this way forever though.
  3. Frequency

    Frequency Member

    Thanks for taking the time to answer. :yay:

    No help for my SA. Which of course is a bad move.
    As for change, I kinda fantasize about that. It's the main reason I'm still here, I guess. How realistic it is, is another question.
  4. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    If you keep fighting and never give in, very realistic- its just about finding what works for you. If you don't try, then not very realistic.

    Is there a particular reason you don't have help for it?
  5. Frequency

    Frequency Member

    Many years of living in denial of the fact that I have a significant problem.

    But as time has passed, and I'm becoming more and more isolated, I have realized that this ain't just going away. But I really struggle with asking for help IRL. Always have.
  6. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    It is definitely hard to ask for help, but sometimes asking for help, although hard, is the most worthwhile thing you can do. Sort of like short term discomfort for long term gain. That hard step of asking for help could be the start of the rest of your life.

    By reaching out here you have admitted you have a problem, which is great :) (well, not great you have a problem, but great you ahve recognised it- you know what I mean hopefully).
  7. vinceynoir

    vinceynoir Member

    All you need is one good connection which will lead to a lot of other connections without you realising it.

    I finished highschool and moved far away to a place where i knew pretty much no one. I started on a dating site looking for love, then she introduced me to her friends and it snowballed from there. it's hard to get into groups but it happens eventually.
  8. Jacob1973

    Jacob1973 Well-Known Member

    Sad to say, I am having the exact same problems as you, except I am now 37... I can only imagine a kiss of a woman, since I have never had one.
  9. loser

    loser Well-Known Member

    In most places at this time of you the libraries have stacks of prospectuses about evening classes and adult education.
    Join a class, learn something.
    Join a choir. Singing is good for you and you can make friends with nice people.
  10. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    I have to admit that one main problem I see is the picture you picked for your avatar. Is that really the being you worship? He is doing a devil sign with his hands. I used to be a satanist so I know. Anyways, I believe anyone's problem can be overcome with the right help. Living as a satansist was the loneliest time I even lived through and I barely lived through it. I would go on a spiritual journey and find a more positive spiritual sourse. I did and my life did a U turn. If it were me, I would admit I cannot do it on my own and get help in every way available. Spiritual, physical, mental. You name it I would explore and discover it. To give up and accept life as it is right now without knowing for sure what is in the future is not the way to go. I know you want to be happy and fulfilled. I would hold onto the hope that you will have these things more than the lies that you won't. Blessings..
  11. bdawk

    bdawk Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you feel that way...But i understand where you are coming from, i'm almost 30..I haven't any of my friends that a grew up with in close to 5 years and we still live in the same city, and they all still hang out with each other...They just do not include me...I haven't had a long term relationship since i was 16, and we broke up because she wanted to date someone else..
    I can't remember the last time i went out and enjoyed myself....I just do my best to hope things at some point will get better...i hope you can do the same.
  12. Frequency

    Frequency Member

    Do you worship the being in your avatar?

    The person in my avatar is Ronnie James Dio (1942-2010). I started using that image as my avatar when he died this year.
    I am not a satanist (more an agnostic), but I am a big fan of heavy metal, a genre that Dio was instrumental in defining.

    Trust me, neither God nor Satan is my problem.
  13. Frequency

    Frequency Member

    Almost a year since the opening post. Still as lonely and defective as then, worse even.

  14. suicider628

    suicider628 Well-Known Member

    You got nothing to lose, go make some friends and meet some women. If you can't get a relationship or develop friendship with someone, try another, there billions of people on earth.
  15. m489332

    m489332 Member

    What have you tried to break your behaviour pattern that isn't working for you?

    If you know your behaviour is causing unhappiness in your life, what cost are you willing to pay to change it? Isn't it broken if it isn't working for you?
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