how long does a crisis last?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by peng, Jul 2, 2007.

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  1. peng

    peng Member

    I only ask, as I've had two ... or rather, my 'method' pretty much ready all but the notes, and I finally got it finished yesterday. Its ready. I feel this silence and just a determinedness (?a word) that I've had growing, heck, who knows how long but definitely since some things specifically happened. I am 56, was put on disability which I did not want 7 years ago for BP disorder, (mild really) but really, I think they wanted me out of the nursing prof and are making it Impossible for me to get back in tho license only suspended 2 years; and I live in a veritable (not sure I'm spelling at all well, something my alcoholic or formerly one mother always insisted upon and can't stop worrying about to this day)...but I guess I just feel that I've had a decent life. I watch CNN and know how much better my life has been than SO many millions. My heart bleeds, sometimes I think too much, and I cannot take what I see oftentimes. I feel so unable to help or do anything.
    I cannot get a job. My 'insurance' was cut in a way that I now have a spend down each month out of my check of 1400 of 620/month which means any and all dr. visits, therapists, meds, etc. PLEASE. Ha. All because I cannot earn 80/month...long story. Anyway, i have no family here, only two brothers left, neither is helpful or understanding, and i have absolutely no friends. When they shuffled me out of the group home after losing job and apt. and cats, I was put in 3 altogether. Finally when I hit 50 I was 'OK' to move in here, where the average age is at least 75. Every single day all I see is what I'm looking ahead to. I had a worker who was helping me with all these issues, esp. to get out of here. Heck, I paint, play Moody Blues, have always been crafty, etc, and the rest of the place is roaring on bingo night. And now my support is no longer there either. I've written everyone I can. I cannot do anything more. Its really just a debate: to pay the rent this month or not. I'd like to take my check out of the bank and send cash to younger bro, and I wish I could write notes. I've done everything, but its the note writing I'm having a hard time with. I even let my younger bro know I didn't want to stick around a lot longer, and he didn't really flinch. So what constitutes a crisis? And what in gods name could possibly be done that hasn't already? I cannot get a job, applied to at LEAST 75, voc rehab stopped helping me and I do NOT know why, all support is gone because I cannot find a simple job, (had one till 12/1/06), and cannot afford meds but do still get anti-dep's and anti anx. and some bp from psychiatrist. But she insists I come in. And its only a 'factory visit' and I cannot afford it. Last time I saw her, truly it was 7 minutes long. Why? I have a cat I love and have stopped paying some bills as I cannot buy meds and doctor bills and pay them too. I was getting caught up and boom, it all went to hell in a basket. I have no more room for any more.
    Yet I don't feel in crisis. I 'think' I should. I also just need to talk about this with some but don't want to be told to do it or not, just talk. About what, well, reasons to go on I guess. I don't care about any of the things I did care about for so long (been very creative all life), and know I'm just facing some heart attack or something bad, and hate bingo. I hate where I live and have since I moved here 12 years ago not by choice. (long story). Sorry to go on...just wondering what moves people. Feel dead inside already. peng
     
  2. peng

    peng Member

    I guess I'll answer my own question, is a crisis a crisis if it's muted and almost deaf and blind, yet the carrier continues on and makes plans and keeps itself 'always ready' and accumulates letters and gives away things, and it takes time, time is the question, there is timing and planning and a waiting for the one thing that will change one way or the other, on a very thin, fragile line. Its a quiet crisis I suppose. pat
     
  3. Ignored

    Ignored Staff Alumni

    My situation is different than yours in many ways, but not unlike in others. I too have reached the end of the road and need to find a way out. There is no help from the professionals, though I know some actually REALLY care... others would be happy enough if I killed myself tomorrow. I don't know about the crisis because much of me doesn't feel my situation is really a crisis... just a natural ending. The writing letters thing is so, so difficult, that I know! I don't know what to say to you. Have no idea what might help you, except have you told your drs how bad things are? I don't know if they'd help if you did. Maybe someone in your neck of the woods could offer more practical advice.
    Best wishes.
     
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