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How long have you had "suicidal traits" *May trigger

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by SadDude87, Apr 29, 2008.

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  1. SadDude87

    SadDude87 Well-Known Member

    A common saying is that "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem"

    At first glance this seems very deep, meaningful and accurate.

    But I think it is completely off target. Atleast for me.

    The 'traits' which make me depressed have always been there. Everything single trait which I have (Need of admiration and being the best, sensitivity, anxiety, avoidance) have been prevalent since my childhood. It just didn't affect me then, because life was extremely simple and easy.

    But, as an adult the problems I have as a child now seriously affect me.

    I think it's crap to assume someone just breaks up with someone/loses a friend/loved one or whatever kills themself over the temporary pain. I think it is due to inherent personality traits which repeat themselves over a lifetime. The circumstances may change, but how you feel and react to them never do. And that is the whole problem.

    Therefore, suicide is never from a temporary problem. It stems from far deeper than that. It comes from a continual way of being, a repeated way of feeling. An event is just a trigger. But even if you get past that event, the inherent traits which made you feel so bad in the first place are still there. I mean have they ever really gone away for anyone? Nobody can change their personality.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 29, 2008
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Thank you for putting into words what I have been feeling for a very long time. I've tried arguing this very point out with my pdoc but he seems to think that with my meds, everything is possible. Even a complete personality change. The only bad thing about this theory is that it paints a pretty glum outlook for the future. Is there really any help for suicidal personalities like myself and so many others?
  3. LastCrusade

    LastCrusade Well-Known Member

    you are so right. I've been doing some reflecting lately and it was at the back of my mind that I'm the kind of person who reacts badly to negative events. As a kid, although I come from a relatively loving family, I would get really troubled if anything went wrong and would worry until I feel ill. I'm born with a fucked up mind and therefore I'm not able to handle adversities in life. I really really hate myself and I can't change my personality. I can't feel calm when I'm anxious. I can't control the way I feel. Yes, it's been with me since I was young. I've always been a panicky person in uncertainty and will always be. So I guess I'm not fit to live in this world. Not meant to be. A ticking time bomb.
  4. brokenandlonely

    brokenandlonely Well-Known Member

    LastCrusade, I feel the same way as yourself. I am also the kind of person that can't handle negative events and in my mind I get worried and drive myself sick. My mind tends to overthink the worst in a situation and that is what makes me feel worried, anxious and makes me feel really ill. I have also been this way ever since I can remember. I've been the person that's "on-edge" and panicky. I guess you can say I can't handle my emotions well when it comes to those type of situations and would cry at the drop of a hat. I'd really like to find a way to fix this and be able to live a normal and healthy lifestyle.
  5. SadDude87

    SadDude87 Well-Known Member

    It is a bit of a glum outlook.

    I try to take solace in that while I do still have the same personality traits, I am not the same person as I was 10 years ago. Hell, depending on what happens today I'll be a slightly different person tomorrow.

    Maybe one day we can learn to alter how we feel. Or to atleast to interpret those feelings in a different way, so much so that they do not bother us.

    But I'm pretty pessimistic. The 'temporary problem' line is such a load of crap. As much as others would like to think so, suicidal tendencies never just stem from a single problem which can just be overcome. The problem is internal, not external, and it has to be overcome everyday, not just once.
  6. middleofnowhere

    middleofnowhere Well-Known Member

    Maybe a permanent solution to a temporary crisis that's part of longer term problems? Like life-long problems. I can see that I didn't just one day out of the blue get mad about something and become suicidal. After seven years of open suicidality, I know that it was there long before seven years ago, but buried under layers of denial and masking. Life situations piled up more and more until suicide seemed the only way out. No temporary problem there. True, it's a permanent solution, but for a problem that had been brewing for many years.

    Learning to cope with life's problems is a slow process, learning to undo or change ingrained habits and thought patterns. It can't be done in three days in a facility, or even three weeks. It's taken a long time with therapists and medications to begin to understand myself, to understand thought patterns of a lifetime, what brought me to this place, from childhood to this decade.

    Even so, the suicidal thoughts haven't just gone away. Some days they're further under the surface than other days. How in-my-face they are has a lot to do with my level of depression, how tired I am, what life dealt me that day.

    How nice it would be if the problem were only temporary.
  7. wow, I am so jealous of all of you. I just started dealing with suicide, and I'm still new at it so I'm not sure how to deal with these plans, go through with it or save it for later, sort of stuff. You see, I used to think everything was awesome, and it probably was. Something happened and now I'm depressed like all the f-ing time. I don't feel like I'll succeed or even live up to the level of long term self sufficiency. I used to contemplate suicide, but it was what everyone was doing to deal with their depression. I don't know if I meant it or just trying to fit in, but it was there.

    I don't know when I'll do it, if I'll do it, or how awesome it'll be (or unawesome) it does seem like a very convenient option for myself. Others, probably not so much, unless they really don't like me and just pity me, but I doubt that cause they liked me when i was awesome.
  8. tired82

    tired82 Well-Known Member

    I can relate to OP's thinking. When bad things happen, I don't deal with them well, just burying them. Thinking back to when I was younger, being introverted, depressed & not knowing how to deal with it went hand in hand.

    A friend stopped by to check on me last night. He's dealing with some stress & anxiety issues. He said to me more or less that with help, I will get better at my own pace if I hang in there. If I break the old habits, improve myself, life wouldn't be so hard to deal with. Though I agree with what he says, but I don't know if I'm capable of changing myself to that degree. To undo years of personality traits, habits & thinking, even with a lot of help over time, seems daunting.

    I can try to make some changes in my life, and probably every little change helps. But I guess I can only make as many changes as I'm capable of, and as I allow myself.
  9. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    I do not agree with this. But I have other perspective. If suicide is a consequence of things that happened in our past, we can get over it. Bad things happen all the time. We dont have to look backward and cry because something bad happened. It is hard to do, i know, because a lot bad things have happened to me also. But If I find what i need in my life, all this that happened in the past will be just a black spots in my life, and theyll fade away in a time. And Ill be happy.
    My point is, the problems that brought us so low, they made us to think suicide is the only solution, are not temporary, because if we know they are temporary, we will try to emotionally 'skip' those bad moments, and to take a step in the future when we will be happy. Problems are not temporary if they come from our future, if we know that because of something we do not have a nice future. If they are part of our past, they are temporary, and they are over. We can have our future.
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