I've just blogged about this but I will write about it again here anyway...it's all distractions isn't it? What I was getting at is that the more and more I feel like this the more I feel like jacking it all in. The more appealing being sectioned feels. Or becomming an alcoholic bum. I wouldn't have to confine myself to the strict rules and regulations of a normal society. I mean, say for instance I was sectioned. How easy would it then be to give up? To actually not care anymore. To withdraw myself from the normal population. I woudn't care what people think. I feel that it would be a hell of a lot easier than what is going on now. Why don't I just take the easy option? The constant fighting is making me so bloody angry. I have all this pent up aggression that usually comes out in the form of self harm. I am sick of being in conflict with myself. I try and push the suicidal thoughts away but they do come back. I fantasise about suicide and self harm. That's pretty screwed up right? I just want to run away and become an alcoholic bum....I want to run away and not care. I want to stop caring about what every one thinks and stop fighting. I am over thinking things which doesn't help. But I can't control my thoughts. I'm frustrated. I am angry. I am sad but I don't know what the hell for! I like science. I like medicine. I want to be medicated. If medication treats it and it goes away the problem is medical right? I am confused. Above all I am tired!!!!