How long would you wait?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Nyu, Nov 7, 2010.

  1. Nyu

    Nyu Well-Known Member

    If you really cared about someone, but they wanted to get to know you better and get over their ex before starting a relationship, how long would you wait? (This is mostly aimed at guys)
    Just wondering :)
  2. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    If they care about you they'll wait for as long as it takes. Putting a time limit on it, I'd say around six months would be acceptable, if you're really having trouble getting over an ex.
  3. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    Eh, I'd probably lose romantic interest and move on with different pursuits, keeping that person as a platonic friend.
  4. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    It really depends on my other prospects. If I fall in love with someone else while waiting for her, she'll be left behind. If not, I'd wait indefinitely.
  5. fisch

    fisch Well-Known Member

    If I loved her, for years, if I really liked her, not long.

    But that's just me, I've never associated love as having an initial lust period, my love seems to be quite sexless, even though I am sexually attracted to a lot of women. Basically for me, being in lust and being in love are mutually exclusive. I tend to fall in love with girls whom I find to be pretty yet unsexy.

    edit: Lol, I think I answered a different question. To answer the actual question, the other person would have to be over their ex, so I'd only pursue her when she's feeling happy again, and doing lots of other fulfilling things in her life to show that she's over him. One of the reasons being that if I get too close too soon, I'd take on the role of a comforting friend, and that would probably end the chances of a long-term relationship....and like Vanessa said, it would be just plain insensitive.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 7, 2010
  6. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    Give him the benefit of the doubt and wait MORE than 1 week.
    It's almost insulting to ask a person out right after they had gotten out of a relationship. They need time to heal and accept that they aren't getting back together with their ex before anyone else in introduced as a possible 'match' for later on down the road.

    That is my advice.

    I've known lots of girls to go after a guy the day after-- or even a few minutes after a breakup and that is just insensitive. -__-
    Also; if you go for him right after the breakup happens, 1 day or 1 week or 1 month after... you are at risk of being a rebound.
    No interest- just playing to make oneself feel better. (although not everyone goes through the 'rebound' phase)
    So; wait if you like him.
  7. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member


    Though, more of the indefinitely part.
  8. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    I'd be her friend and wait for however long, if I loved her. There's a difference between being in love and loving someone. The foundation of a love-relationship is friendship. I'd just be there for her and encourage her to process feelings and enjoy being single, if that's what she wanted.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 7, 2010
  9. fisch

    fisch Well-Known Member

    That's true, some of the strongest relationships are based on a solid friendship to start off with. For some reason I really like the silly ideal of a mysterious male stranger appearing from nowhere and sweeping a girl off her feet, lol but that's just me.
  10. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    As long as it takes..
  11. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Wait, damnit. I don't know what's being asked. Vanessa took it in a way different direction than I did.

    Are you asking how long you need to wait before you move in, or are you asking how long he'll wait for you to work through your problems?
  12. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    I think she was asking how long she should wait- for a guy's sake; before making a move on him?
    I just responded based on the fact that I am a chick.

    lol- I am confused now as well.
  13. fisch

    fisch Well-Known Member

    Lol, I think it was how long before the girl makes a move on the guy who had just broken up. Myself and a couple of others answered it as if from our perspective....e.g. I'm male and straight so I answered it as if I was waiting for a girl who had just broken up. Probably the confusion in the thread comes from the use of 'he' and 'she'. Hope that helps.
  14. Nyu

    Nyu Well-Known Member

    lol I was asking how long should he wait actually =)
  15. fisch

    fisch Well-Known Member

    Ahhh yes, having read your original post again, I can see what you meant now. If he really loves you, he should give you all the time in the world, but maybe you have to give him an external sign that you're ready, something subtle, maybe just generally being happy and having more of a spring in your step.
  16. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    I agree with this.

    There's still the possibility of him falling in love with someone else, while still caring for you.

    People can change; move apart, grow together. After a period of six months you might find yourselves in completely different places emotionally.

    Maybe you could talk to him and see what he says? It's up to him how long he 'should' wait and his reply might give you more insight about how he feels than any of us here.