How long am I going to hold on to something that was never really there for me to grasp in the first place? When am I going to stop dreaming and hoping for it to return? How long am I going to keep all the emails and when will I stop reading them over and over. How long am I going to keep letting myself be "punished" by other men because of what I let happen to me? How damn long am I going to keep doing this to myself? I've promised myself never never ever ever again in this life time will I allow myself any kind of betrayal like that but how frickin long am I going to keep betraying myself? It bloody well HURTS!