I'm not looking for advice or support, make that clear from the start. Just maybe someone here understands where I am and can answer how long? How long does one try to keep safe? When all the "new" help that was offered has already dried up and disappeared. When no matter how many doors one opens they are slammed shut in your face no matter how much effort you put into trying to keep them open. When your own body and health turn on you. Your cancer spreads when it really didnt have to. When your own blood family outright cast you, you're feelings, your beliefs, your pain and your love away. How long? Why would anyone expect me to keep holding on, for what reason?, when I know what I have will work. I've known and wanted to try again since the doc at the hospital told me as much in February after my last attempt. He told me!!!!!!! And I've been trying to stay safe knowing that I will be successful in my next attempt. How long does one hold on? For me, I'm saying times up.