How long?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by itmahanh, Apr 13, 2010.

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  1. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I'm not looking for advice or support, make that clear from the start. Just maybe someone here understands where I am and can answer how long?

    How long does one try to keep safe? When all the "new" help that was offered has already dried up and disappeared. When no matter how many doors one opens they are slammed shut in your face no matter how much effort you put into trying to keep them open. When your own body and health turn on you. Your cancer spreads when it really didnt have to. When your own blood family outright cast you, you're feelings, your beliefs, your pain and your love away. How long?

    Why would anyone expect me to keep holding on, for what reason?, when I know what I have will work. I've known and wanted to try again since the doc at the hospital told me as much in February after my last attempt. He told me!!!!!!! And I've been trying to stay safe knowing that I will be successful in my next attempt. How long does one hold on? For me, I'm saying times up.
  2. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Hi carla....I understand what you're saying...
    I guess times up when you give up...but I don't want you to give up..
    I know what you're saying about health and family.....
    I have many health issues and I had cancer but it was benign....(lucky??!!! maybe not)
    my family has split into tiny pieces and I only have one child who bothers about me and lives an hour away....I've lost my beautiful son....and any friends went by the wayside when that happened...
    why do we stay here and keep going???...I ask myself this all the time...
    maybe it's this verse from my siggie that says it all....
    ..."Suicide is an act of violence against the part of ourselves that wants to go on living. If every part of us, body and soul, wants to die, or, if we are totally convinced that death is inevitable, then we die without having to inflict any violence upon ourselves." by Dorothy Rowe.
    I know you have a child to look after so that's your purpose...even when it all seems too hard we can't help the mother in us coming to the fore...
    again I don't want you to give up....take care....:cheekkiss::arms:
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I know the feeling of fighting to get the help only to have the doors slammed in ones face but there is always another door that may be opened and if one takes to early road out then that door will be missed.
    You know you have a reason to stay and fight that is your children they are the only reason one needs really.
    as you know if it was not for my children i would have said enough already and times my mind says as yours how much more are we expected to endure.
    my children welfare will always come first always their health their happiness so my will well it will have to wait
    I know you understand this you will do everything possible to help your children even if it means intolerable pain for you that is what a mother does take care carla enjoy their love and the laughter they bring okay because god knows when it will be taken away for us either physically or mentally. take care okay
  4. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

  5. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Blah blah. Same thing over and over. Fuck it. I'm history. No reason to fight a battle I'm never going to win. Thanks but time to just give in and let go.
  6. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    no carla.....I don't want to lose you...:love::hug:
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