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how long...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by LadyC, Nov 28, 2010.

  1. LadyC

    LadyC Member

    How long will this last???

    I cant take it anymore. Theses long days at home just waiting...
    Waiting for therapy is the same as waiting to die.
    I sit alone on my couch and there is no difference.
    The pills are my fear, I do not fear dying.
    The pain is the worst, I fear the pain.
    But I need the pain to make me see what is real and that I still have controle over something.
    So tired of crying, of not understanding, of not living in a body that is alive.
    Nothing is changing, No one see's inside of me.
    I can scream as loud as I want but no one hears me.
    I am completely empty, there is nothing left for me here.
    I am so tired of going over and over the same things again.
    Telling different doctors my issues, no one gets it.
    My family is afraid of me, my friends have vanish.
    Love doesn't exist, no real contact is possible.
    My life has been paused for years. I am in a picture frame and cant get out .
    People wont let me get out of it, unless I am that happy person that they are. I dont remember the last time I was happy. I remember smiling to please others, but it was just a mask.
    They just keep on telling me to hang on....but I am tired, I dont have the energy anymore, it hurts so bad. They have no idea what it has done to me to carry this pain around for years. They have no idea what it is like to walk in my shoes, no book can teach you pain.

    I dont believe in hope anymore, life is unreal, death is real.
  2. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so dreadful. Am I right in reading it as if you're waiting for therapy?
  3. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    Im sorry to hear youre hurting this much, and have been for so long. It is tough. I know cause Id experienced the same thing for yrs on end. What is it specifically youre trying to understand? Id be willing to try to help you if youd like. There is life beyond our pain. I hope youll come to realize this. I wouldnt say so if I hadnt experienced it myself. Im reaching out cause I know first hand everything brought on by the pain, and Im up for helping you through it if youre up for the help. I speak from experience not a text book. Please take good care. Pm if youd be more comfy this way too.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    oh i too had given up hope i really had but it is out there okay sometimes it takes its time showing itself but it is there. I hope you can call your doctor and tell him how desperate yu are. If you go to hospital and sign yourself in they will get you support you need while there. Please don't give up on life yet there is hope really Call GP okay and really reinforce you need help NOW.:hugtackles::hugtackles::hugtackles:
  5. LadyC

    LadyC Member

    I just had my second appointment, the lady is still evaluating me and she says she will give me her plan fro me later on. The in between is killing me...