Has anybody ever endured the guilt of privilege or responsibility? I mean not as a fleeting thought that fades away after a while but something heavier. You want to live the heck of your life, all on your terms. This might makes one feel more of oneself than to get shackled in the societal norms just to have some puny mundane luxuries in return. I do admit there are shades in living as a non conformist but that seems bearable. You may not have a luxury but liberty to live on your own. Since nobody's gonna give a damn to the way you feel or think anyway, it should be somehow better to die as a non conformist than to keep dragging yourself amidst the toxic hypocrites, to become a part of a stupid rut being fueled by the expectations of the community around, to earn a living worth your family's status, to marry on time with someone of equal status, to make babies and burn out all your damn life providing for them and nurture them in the very same toxic environment as you were raised in. It might seem fair to anyone or even everyone but me. All I lack is the courage to rebuff and strive against these societal yardsticks and more than everything, will to live. I'm exhausted, I'm jaded, I just want to end it all, my whole damn life. I have to give up.
