Speaking as someone that attempted it some years ago but then had second thoughts and survived, I am motivated I suppose by loneliness. I am a 27 year old gay man with asperger syndrome which makes it harder for me to cope with social situations and I feel physically unattractive so I am a recluse. I am afraid of crowds so I don't make any effort to make friends other than online. Furthermore I feel ugly so I don't usually agree to meet gay men online in person, though I have met some that way. Past experiences of rejection from 3 of these men have left me hating myself and feeling extremely ugly. I have never had a steady boyfriend and whenever I met a cute guy that doesn't turn me down, I assume they're just feeling sorry for me cos I'm ugly or else they're desperate. When I hear people laughing I assume they are laughing at me and indeed a few yrs ago while I was out shopping some people from secondary school made fun of my appearance. I try to channel my frustration into other activities like the internet, computer games, watching television, working, driving my motorbike etc. I am on anti-depressants to make me feel better. Admittedly they help stop me crying but then the pain returns before I have to take them again (1 in the morning one at night). I constantly think of suicide and have told the array of counsellors and so on I have been sent to of this. When they have told me I am not ugly I don't believe them and regard it as them just trying to cheer me up by telling me what they think I want to hear. My internet browsing is dominated by plastic surgery and dermatological websites. I feel alone and that there is one rule for me and another for everyone else. I am uniquely selected to be miserable and to have no friends or relationships and feel I am a fat ugly pig that should kill myself. So why haven't I done so yet? Because part of me is hoping that the fabled "happily ever after" will "come along". I cling to hope that if I have plastic surgery, for example on my huge nose, or get creams to improve my skin, that then I will find a man. However I constantly find myself crying. I feel like a burden on people and I am ashamed to be seen in public because of how I look.