How many attempts have you made & what triggered them ?

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#21
Speaking as someone that attempted it some years ago but then had second thoughts and survived, I am motivated I suppose by loneliness. I am a 27 year old gay man with asperger syndrome which makes it harder for me to cope with social situations and I feel physically unattractive so I am a recluse. I am afraid of crowds so I don't make any effort to make friends other than online. Furthermore I feel ugly so I don't usually agree to meet gay men online in person, though I have met some that way. Past experiences of rejection from 3 of these men have left me hating myself and feeling extremely ugly. I have never had a steady boyfriend and whenever I met a cute guy that doesn't turn me down, I assume they're just feeling sorry for me cos I'm ugly or else they're desperate. When I hear people laughing I assume they are laughing at me and indeed a few yrs ago while I was out shopping some people from secondary school made fun of my appearance. I try to channel my frustration into other activities like the internet, computer games, watching television, working, driving my motorbike etc. I am on anti-depressants to make me feel better. Admittedly they help stop me crying but then the pain returns before I have to take them again (1 in the morning one at night). I constantly think of suicide and have told the array of counsellors and so on I have been sent to of this. When they have told me I am not ugly I don't believe them and regard it as them just trying to cheer me up by telling me what they think I want to hear. My internet browsing is dominated by plastic surgery and dermatological websites. I feel alone and that there is one rule for me and another for everyone else. I am uniquely selected to be miserable and to have no friends or relationships and feel I am a fat ugly pig that should kill myself. So why haven't I done so yet? Because part of me is hoping that the fabled "happily ever after" will "come along". I cling to hope that if I have plastic surgery, for example on my huge nose, or get creams to improve my skin, that then I will find a man. However I constantly find myself crying. I feel like a burden on people and I am ashamed to be seen in public because of how I look.
 

theplaya

Well-Known Member
#22
i hav never attempted to kill myself ,i hav thoughts of doin it at times and im sure if i had attempted it would hav been the first and the last one.
 
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lostcat95

#23
The weight on my shoulders are becoming unbearable. I feel those bad thoughts coming back... I can't keep living like this, this is not a life.
 

Ruby

Well-Known Member
#24
I've attempted suicide many times. Eventually I ended up detained in a psychiatric hospital. It's not worth it, seriously..
 

deathwalking

Well-Known Member
#25
If your going to make some petty attempt, whats the point?Realistically, you must not have wanted to kill youself.Im not downplaying the seriousness of it, but it doesn't take a Einstein to figure it out.Just say you were scared.

I have no clue what will be going thru my mind when im faced with death....but at the very least Ive done my research and am 95% cetain it will work...if i get cold feet ill say so.I know its not easy ..I dont expect it to be.People take a few tylenol tabelets and think their going to die? Please.Re-evaluate your life.You're obviously are looking for reason to live..me too.
 

deathwalking

Well-Known Member
#26
Hospitals, IMO are no way to spend your days.....a joke.Come to some resolution on your own ...medical "professionals" cant help you...thats reality...only you can.
 
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lostcat95

#28
deathwalking wrote
"Im not downplaying the seriousness of it, but it doesn't take a Einstein to figure it out.Just say you were scared."

my attempts were before I was a computer junkie so no real research! thank you very much
 

Ruby

Well-Known Member
#30
Who are you to say what's a 'petty' attempt and what isn't? You don't know how people feel before they attempt suicide. Some of them DO actually want to die. I have taken overdoses because I WANTED to die. I never took a few pills either like you assumed people who overdose do. Whenever I attempt suicide I don't give any warning. Why? Because I wanted to die and I didn't want unwanted 'sympathy'.
 

deathwalking

Well-Known Member
#31
Medical 'professionals'?Clowns...99.9 percent of them...the whole profession is ajoke...dictated by drug companies.

I'll concede that to you...some naive, uninformed people may make some feeble attempt and come out the worse for wear.I give the young people more credit than that.....you do your research you know what you kills you and what wont.Im saying be honest...crys for help are just that...lets differientate between the two.
 

deathwalking

Well-Known Member
#36
Bunny, I didnt see any insults in this thread, just oipnions....I hold no grudges against anybody.....is this forum not to get your true feelings out?If you have any doubt about me do an IP search or whatever, I have 1 identity....I have no prob showing my face.
 
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Seditionintent

#39
I tried to kill myself a year and a half ago, I took a bunch of benzos and then was intending to cut my wrist so I'd pass out while I bleed to death... I was too scared to do it without the benzos. I kept slashing with the razor but was too weak to cut deep enough. So I just lay there sleeping until someone found me. I felt really stupid, seriously. Like I can't even do that right. And now all this time later I'm really not glad to be here. My life is still horrible. :(
 

gitana

SF Friend & Antiquitie's Friend
Staff Alumni
#40
I just want to say deathwalking that not every person's attempt is petty. You are wrong in your statement here.. because somebody for whatever reason, seriously attempts.. and because they come back or it didn't work, doesn't mean that they didn't want to kill themself.... not at all.. Wrong!

I have done lots of research on this... have lots of information and books on suicide..I have attempted many times.. ended up in ICU several times.. something would happen, and here I am still here!!!

Okay, 95% you think will work? so what about the other 5%? What if you end up a vegetable.. yeah, happened almost to one of my friends.. nobody thougt she would make it and if she did she would be a vegetable.

Let me tell you, because a person attempts doesn't always mean, no matter what method is used, that a person will suicide.. I have experienced much loss in my life, and 9 people, family and friends, were suicide... and other losses no matter what age, young and older, due to accidents, illness.. it leaves an impact on someone's life.. I know people who have loved ones who attempted seriously.. no matter what the method one used.. one never knows, if it will go through.. I know people who also shot themselves, and you know, I use to think if shooting oneself that would be the end.NOT!!! and other methods.. we are not to talk about methods here.. at all.. however, I was shocked that some people made it through.. for instance, one could end up being a vegetable, paralyzed drastically, etc. doesn't mean that no matter what method is used, may not work at all.. I can tell you stories.. but not here.. and here I am... my dr. thought that I had damaged my organs and I was lucky.. believe me, I took more than enough and for whatever reason, I am still here.. My dr. is shocked that I am still here.. because technically I shouldn't be.. SF has helped me alot as I still planned to really make sure that this was it and end it all..
You are wrong about people who take a few tyleno l lets..

I hope yoiu will give us a chance and lean on us.. before you do something.. I am glad that you shared with us.. and I hope you will continue to do so, Rubik. I know it is very difficult when life seems to be falling apart or whatever around a person. That is why we are here to help encourage and support people like you here.. Believe me it may seem hopeless... and no what out.. Please feek free to PM me anytime or please share with us more.. as you are up to it.. You will find that people here really can relate to you and care about you as we have all been there.. I know definitely, very difficult for you.. and it is hard.. to not go through with it..

I hope you will allow us to give you a chance.. Lean on us.Okay?. I hope we can help you through this time...your choice.. right now.. give us a chance
to help you. We are here for you.. We understand..

I see bunny has made a warning about this situation.. and there are alot of responses that I have seen relating to this subject.. and haven't read yet.. some I did but on late and need to go to bed.. Don't know if I helped any but we are proactive and desire to help people who are suicidal and help them get through one more day.. a day at at a time. a step at time..

Hope you keep in touch with us!! Just know that you can't do it alone..

Gitana
 
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