Though suicide is on my mind a lot, there are only a few times I actually would have attempted, tonight being one of them. The only reason I don't is because I refuse to cause my boyfriend that pain, having him come home to a lifeless body or me passed out in my own vomit. I ready to tonight, willing & able, then I thought about him, nothing else mattered though. I hate living only for someone else, it makes him feel like a burden, which I feel like sh*t for saying... he could never know. It does make me wonder what will happen if we're ever not together.