How many last chances?

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by McB720, Jan 6, 2012.

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  1. McB720

    McB720 New Member

    Hi Everyone,

    This is my first visit to this or any online forum so please bare with me. I have had three major attempts at suicide in my life. This has been over the last eleven years, this has involved weak tree limbs and medical tools. About 2 years ago I was diagnosed with a condition called Fibromyalgia after suffering for six years. Since that time I have had somewhere in the region of twenty different drugs most of which are anti-depressants. Having suffered a range of nasty side effects a short time ago I thought enough was enough. The latest drug gave me horrible mood swings I would loss my temper at the smallest thing. This came to a head at at meal with friends when I snapped at my partner. It was like an out of body experience I new what I was saying and I new it was wrong but I couldn't stop myself. My friends didn't know where to look my partner tried not to react, I apologized a few minutes later but I new inside that this was the last time this would happen. We went home with our friend to have a drink I didn't have any alcohol trying to show I didn't want to make the situation any worse and not to worry my partner. When my friends had left and my partner had gone to bed I started to drink a lot, and introduced other substances I had stock pile with my treatment. I had prepared a text message and saved it in my drafts I had written a list of people that it had to be sent to and had written a note to my partner. I was found at 4am by my partner being violently sick which continued for several hours a left my with a vary sore throat and stomach. My doctor took me off the drugs I was on and refereed me to a Councillor. I'm here and I know I still get those feeling and I can explain why and when they come. I wish every day that they would go or I could find some way to deal with them I hope that this site may help me and in return I hope I can help as many people as possible. I wish peace to everyone here and I will do all I can to help you all.
  2. dragonfly70

    dragonfly70 Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome. :)

    I'm not sure how many last chances we get, but it sounds like you're going to use this chance you've been given. I'm glad your partner found you. I hope your counseling is going well and that you find it helpful here. I have found solace in helping others. It helps me get out of my own head, which as you can imagine, isn't always a good place for me to be.

    I would mention your reactions to the antidepressants to your counselor. Antidepressants can cause different reactions in different people, but they can be particularly agitating to people with undiagnosed bipolar disorder. That's how I was finally diagnosed. It's just a good thing to rule out, given your history.

    Peace to you as well....
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