I persanlly belive all suicide really is about is pain. unbearble pain and the desire for it to end. So if your life was good, didnt feel unbearably shitty... would you still wanna end it. Ive dealt with so many hard blows and severe metnal shit,which i dont know how it started. Im lonely, beat up,broke down,only at the young age of 21. most days i cant help but have some elaborate fantasy of death. I have panic attacks. I go to nami meetings. I feel like painting the walls with my brains. ive been suicidal for a LONG time. or at least had thoughts of suicide for a long time. i perfer saying thoughts of suicide cause people say suicidal and suicidal is not a feeling having thoughts of suicide. being depressed is a feeling. maybe suicidal is a feeling i dunno. so if suicide really is some gateway to peace,or a better demesion then i would do it,but im not sure what happons. My Death is something that i will either give into or conquer. and thats true. Ille either commit suicide or give up on the idea and find a way around it. and yes life for me was not overrated before but now it feels highly overrated. maybe one person feels like life is overrated.... and others feel like life isnt. i feel like my family is fighting against me most days. or they dont like being around me much, but i cant help that, i have a very poor nervous system which was inhereted through my familys mental gene pool. the docs keep me doped out on clonazepam, which used to do the trick,but doesnt give me the same feeling of anti anxiety and doped out feeling i enjoyed..now i just try and cold turkey quit which seems like such a living hell. i always go back to the k'pins, its become a physical if one person cared, it would mean all the difference...allthough i do have carl, hes great! ive made too many mistakes theres no hope for me. suicide is a means of my escape route.