how many peeps use alcohol as self med

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by icequeen, Apr 18, 2011.

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  1. icequeen

    icequeen Well-Known Member

    i was just wondering how many here use alcohol as self medication and how they feel about it.

    i went from social drinking to not drinking at all for years and the last months to..well...being a lush i guess...i try to cut it down...but am too tired to take on this battle as well...i dont wake up craving alcohol and dont drink before 1200 hrs so dont regard myself as alcoholic but i accept i drink way too much having gone from 1 bottle wine a day and now hitting 4...but no less than 3.

    tbh...i treat it as another form of self harm / slow suicide as i know its killing me..but dont care...but how do i balance that with how my friends and medics feel...i keep telling myself i will discuss with doc..but i dont care enough in reality to even bring it up unless he does (i cant lie if he asks). my crisis guy knows but he is not interested and justs laughs...which is fine..but does nothing for my self esteem.

    anyways, experience of others would be interesting to hear if you feel like sharing. :burp:
  2. starryeyed

    starryeyed Well-Known Member

    Four bottles of wine ? You are going to get very ill.I have two alcoholuc siblings so am used to it.I drink too but with my health cant overdo ir.
    I would seriously advise you to stop now before you ruin your life.Go to yoyr gp and seek help
  3. icequeen

    icequeen Well-Known Member

    thanks starryeyed for your input...did see doc today as i outlined in another prob is although friends have said i am killing myself i dont care...i know i am doing harm to my liver and i still dont care...i told the Dr this today.
    i had control one day...and now i have lost it, and i am now not sure if i even want to get it back.

    just wondered if this was unusual.

    a good girl today, only 2 bottles :yay:
  4. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    Are you using it for depression? Lack of passion or enjoyment from life? Have you tried antidepressants? Has the doctor offered any meaningful hope or assistance?

    I use it to self medicate, as a desperate act, for pain (physical). I was a non drinker. Not socially, not occasionally, not once a decade; a total non drinker. I dislike the taste and the effects, not to mention the smell, having grown up with an alcoholic father and spending much of my youth hanging at the track, bars, casinos, or mil facilities. Anyway, it does not help the pain. Makes me foggy for a bit, but i drink because it offers me some sort of hope that maybe there will be some chance it will work.

    I had always taken great physical care of myself. Now, when the pain is out of control, I will take in one day;
    16 and 24 200mg ibus or more
    10 - 12 500mg tylenol tabs or more
    12 or more non buffered aspirin
    3 muscle relaxers
    anything else i think might give some hope
    and alcohol

    In my former non pain state, i would never in a zillion years consider taking any of that. But, we have a war on pain patients a war on medication so, those are the things that offer me some hope, that maybe they'll work if i take enough of them. Worse case scenario? The pain might end because the meds do me in? BFD. The meds and alcohol won't kick the out of control pain, but it's my only hope to ease the pain, other than ending my life and that has increasingly become a real option. It's something I am working on. Making sure things are in place so if i determine it's just too much for me, i have an out.
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I use it as a sleeping aid some nights but I don't abuse it. I'm never what you would call 'drunk'. :)
  6. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    looking back, father and brother both used it - from the outside looking in i will say it was not a good thing
  7. icequeen

    icequeen Well-Known Member

    thanks for all your responses...its always interesting to get another perspective. am on AD's but cos of alc Dr wont increase anymore atm. primarily used alc as self medication...started with the odd glass then a bottle...and as i say now most if not all days its 3 bottles and really bad days have even opened a 4th but was never aware of how much until a friend started taking bottles to bottle bank and mentioned it to me. i was kinda shocked but then like "so what" why do i keep doing it when i know its doing me harm, i told the Dr yesterday when i refused blood test, i dont care and am not afraid to die. how do peeps get to this place in such a short space of time. how can you care for so many and not for yourself. i can feel it affecting me...yet dont care.. just wondered if anyone else gone through the same emotions either personally or as a watcher.
  8. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    I don't know. Maybe the alcohol is seeming to work better for you than the antidepressants, despite the ill effects? It's not a good routine to get into and is cause for concern, but you know, i think i understand in part, the, "I don't care".

    If it's working better for you than the meds, then it's up to the doc to figure out something that works better than least in my opinion. I mean, if you stop drinking, will you be able to tolerate life, the pain, or whatever it is that you are using the alcohol for? Perhaps that is what is making you numb or feeling that you don't care?

    I've watched the torture alcoholics go through. I have a friend who tries so hard to quit, yet he is so tortured by the physical withdrawals. It's quite sad. Is there something the doc can give you to help you back off the alcohol? My friend told me what works for him is xanex, valium, or other benzos...problem is, if you become dependent on the benzos, he tells me withdrawal from those is even worse than the alcohol.

    I know the mixture i take when i am in severe pain and desperate for relief, is not safe at all. When i am in that much pain, i just do not care. I'm going to do whatever i can to make that pain ease up. I will take whatever it is that has a potential to offer me the hope of the pain easing. I think this can be true for ppl in both physical or emotional pain...we just want it to stop.

    I'm just not well acquainted with your personal situation, but my heart goes out to you and i hope you find some answers.
  9. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    alcohol is a depressant and is probably aggravating your already depressed state..
    dying from alcohol is usually a long drawn out process... sometimes takes a lifetime
    i 'hit the bottle' a few years ago and all i did was get alcohol poisoning and made myself very,very sick at the time...
    I hope you'll stay in touch with your doc and find a different way to cope with your illness
    take care
  10. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    I can put it away at times, way too much in fact.
    But, i have plenty of days in my life i dont twist or pull a lid.
    More than i have drinking.
    Its a crutch and like inmemory says, it is a good sleeping aid.
    It is a depressive, no doubt about that.
    But its also a great masker and the feeling of alcohol helps me no end.
  11. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    I drank to changed the way I felt. It caused a lot of other problems. Then one day it stopped changing the way I felt. It also put 20 inches around my waist that's hard to get rid of.

    I'm seven years sober now. I went to AA. I stayed long enough to let the subtle help of people sharing their experience work for me.
  12. TBear

    TBear Antiquities Friend

    I have used it to dampen or numb the extreme emotions, or anxiety -

    Helps in moderation but only when the feeling needs to be shelved until I have the support I need to confront it -

    Dark red wine helps sleep at times - but I keep close watch and discuss it with my pdoc -

    4 bottles - wow - that is serious - please get help! Talk to your doc or counselor - take care of yourself - truly caring for another can only happen when you take care of you - something I don't do very well either - self care....
  13. Caster

    Caster Well-Known Member

    I've used alcohol a lot off and on over the past few years to self-medicate and cope. It worked good in the short-term, but just made me feel worse in the long run. This has been the case with every bender I've gone on.
  14. lostbutnotfound

    lostbutnotfound Well-Known Member

    I abuse alcohol. Frequently. Just to dim the pain a bit. I have severely damaged liver and kidneys though due to my excessive drinking, and also previous suicide attempts, and am pleased that I do. I relate well to the comment of using it as a form of self harm, as I relish the thought of this causing more damage. Wow.. I sound like a crazy lol :tongue:

    I usually go through 2 bottles of vodka a night, and although I realise it is a depressive, I don't care anymore. If it numbs my feeling even a tiny bit then it's worth it
  15. Seems_Perfect

    Seems_Perfect Well-Known Member

    I try to keep as busy as possible so that I don't find myself with too much time to think, but when things are quiet I revert to drinking. It doesn't make me forget anything that's happened but it does make me insensitive to it all so at least I can find solace in apathy even if temporarily. :sigh:
  16. starryeyed

    starryeyed Well-Known Member

    My brother and sister and my ex are all alcoholics.Im worried how much damage you are doing to those around you .I mean yeah youre hurting yourself but thats your choice ,what about other people .You have no idea how much it hurts to be around an alcoholic.Id advise you again to see a doctor ,and think about rehab.I dont hink I have even seen my sister drink 4 bottles of wine and shes pretty bad.Youre wasting your life.
  17. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Icequeen - be careful with this, please.

    It can be a slippery slope. I've found myself there in the past. I can't do that now for obvious reasons, but I think every day how much I would like to be numb, every day.

    I also found in the past that it would increase my dark thoughts where I nearly tried twice. It was that impulsiveness that scared me. I was close.

    And of course there have been othertimes when I wasn't under the influence but still was close.

    Anyhow, please take care, try to ween off to at least one bottle a day for right now.

  18. icequeen

    icequeen Well-Known Member

    i wasnt looking for sympathy just whether other peeps used alc as a form of self med and it got out of hand. i see my doc again next week and last time i saw him he said he would do urgent referral to drug and alc team because i refused blood test to check liver function and he would refer back to pyschiatrist, i dont see the point.

    what puzzles me with alc is that i dont see a problem..up until 18 months ago, i didnt drink, well maybe the odd glass of wine a week and then end up going from that to almost 4 a less than 2 mostly 3, and even tho i am made aware its bad...i dont care..its my liver, no one would want it as i have cysts on it its not like i am depriving anyone of a transplant. life has no meaning or promise for me, but that doest mean that i believe the same is true for anyone else. i will fight for anyone here to keep you living, you all seem such nice people.

    i was just wondering how alc gets a grip on you and how long it took and how you feel about it. thanks for responding..its interesting to get another perspective. take care all :hug:
  19. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    I always told myself I would be an alcoholic because my dad is/was (Don't know anymore, really don't care) and recently I have been drinking a bit but I don't think I am addicted and don't really "drink my pain away".

    It does cross my mind when I am in pain but I have other methods. Another reason is the fact I have had loads of hours at I can't turn up drunk.

    I get addicted to stuff quickly so it only took a week or so before I started to feel like I had to drink every night. Luckily I have broke free just in time..
  20. Ringo

    Ringo Well-Known Member

    I've always used alcohol to relieve my anxiety in social situations. A couple of years ago it started to get out of hand because I was drinking the next day to relieve the hangovers and it sort of snowballed out of control.
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