How many times do I have to put through with this?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by shermana55, Jan 3, 2014.

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  1. shermana55

    shermana55 Active Member

    I PRAY AND PRAY AND PRAY, I FUCKING PRAY MY HEART OUT….and EVERYDAY I wake up and something SHITTY and AWFUL smacks me in the face….Dad hospitalized, brother drug addict, dad now drug addict, dealing with SERIOUS depression, NO friends, LONELINESS, and CRUELTY? IS THIS THE RESULT OF MY PRAYERS? DOES GOD JUST WANT ME TO KILL MYSELF BECAUSE I"VE BEEN STRUGGLING WITH THIS DECISION FOR 12 FUCKING YEARS AND NOTHING HAS IMPROVED JUST GOTTEN WORSE….I"VE stayed for religious purposes…I've stayed to keep my family happy but its not worth it! I"VE SUFFERED ENOUGH. I swear if I had a lethal injectable sitting next to me at my desk I would inject in a heartbeat without a question, if I had a sure quick way of ending this shit immediately damn there would be NO question. Why is this world so unkind, so cruel? Where is the love anymore?
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I hear you i was raised in a toxic family as well all alcoholics addicts prayers never answered but once you get out away from all the toxicty you can take care of YOU ok
    Your father and brother need professional help i understand they are ill hun i do but they need to reach out and get the help they need to survive YOU need to reach out to alnon to a group that will help you deal with such a toxic environment hugs to you
  3. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    hey that sounds horrible. I am REALLY sorry. I gotta agree with Total Eclipse. If you can get to an al-anon, or nar-anon meeting I think they could really be of huge support. I know because I used to go to Al-anon. The people there where a hugeeeeeeee help. And I did learn things there. Its about healing the self. Because when it comes down to it, thats the only control we really have. I think about dying as the only way out. But I just wonder if one of those 2 programs would be of suport and help. Even if you start online. Before I went, I called them on the phone. That was long before I had a pc. Now, I think they have phone and internet meetings. But I think the irl meetings might even be best because its irl support.......... if any of what I wrote even feels right to you.

    Glad you are posting here. any suggestions I may have written I meant to be in addition to posting here. Again, I am REALLY sorry all of this is going on with your family and you.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 3, 2014
  4. mark b

    mark b Well-Known Member

    i have much experience in supporting drug and alcohol dependent people. like most issues, until they desire some help you will be stuck.

    you are possibly supporting their addiction by being there for them. maybe providing food or cash or other ways. thats fine, but wont fix things, just delay or manitain it.

    can you get away from them - hard to do possibly, but could help you all to realize whats happening.

    church will have some support network possibly. or any agencies locally and nationally.

    until you and they are ready it wont happen.

    ask me again for more support.
  5. oneloveshift

    oneloveshift Member

    I have your exact same sittuation.

    My dad died without any love surrounding him, while i see at the television celebrities dying with millions of fans. It's killing me, cause if i died, nobody came to my funeral.

    Nobody loves me...

    I have so many sollutions for everybody else, except for my own personal self.

    Nobody wants me. Nobody has anything good to say to me.

    Just like you, i pray to god. Even went to a churche. The mormon church. And they kicked me out, cause i said i felt the wheat grass, and the animals suffering because of it being cut.

    I mean, i really felt the disharmony of grass being cut.

    All my life i've tried to be smiling and cheerful.

    It hurts, cause nobody has time for me.

    Just like you, i'm a lonely creature. I feel like nobody loves me. And shit isn't going away.

    Everyone is thinking about how they could rob me, and who doesn't rob me, doesn't stay.

    People just don't want to be a family with me.

    So i have no reason to live.
    Period. I would probably be better off dead.
  6. oneloveshift

    oneloveshift Member

    Just like you, my family is toxic also.

    My causen is called. S(a)tan. Stan Nelu.

    In romanian this name, Stan Nelu, is the diminutive of "Satan". Like how you would call a child Satan.

    I'm worthless. Nobody cares about what i want, or what i have to say.

    Shit like that doesn't just go away...

    I can't figure out a job that i would enjoy. I don't enjoy my my apartment, my anything.

    I have nothing, almost that i like.

    Just a statuette.
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