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How many times will I fall into despair until it all ends...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Tatsuhiro Satou, Jul 6, 2011.

  1. Tatsuhiro Satou

    Tatsuhiro Satou Active Member

    I'm sick of this, I'm sick of going through the same routine over and over. I try to be happy, I honestly do, and for a short time I do feel happy. But in the end it's all a build-up for main event, being crushed and falling into depression again.

    Exactly how many times will I have my heart broken in a short period of time? Now I feel like I don't even have a heart anymore, it's just shattered in glass and I'm afraid to love again.

    I thought things were going well, I thought I would be happy again. But in the end, she didn't change at all, she was the same exact person she was months ago and once again she broke my heart. I can't look at anyone in the face anymore, not my friends, not my family, no one. I'm afraid of being happy, I'm afraid to become close to someone now.

    Nothing can cure this pain, not meds, not doctors, not friends or counseling. I feel like I just want to be alone and cry myself to death but that just makes me even more miserable...
  2. SuperMoon

    SuperMoon Active Member

    Can you elaborate on what's going on?

    It sounds like you are going through a rough time with a girlfriend (?).
    People won't change unless they are ready.

    Please write more, we understand here.
  3. Tatsuhiro Satou

    Tatsuhiro Satou Active Member

    She's not my girlfriend. At least, not anymore. It's just, we've gone out a few times in the past, but things were terrible and it just didn't work out. But lately we've started talking to each other again, and starting getting closer.

    I thought things have changed that things would be different, and before I knew it we were going out again and things seemed to be much better. For that short time, we were happier than we ever were in the past. But it was short-lived, when she soon told me that she likes me, but she is unable to go out with me and that she was sorry.

    As usual, she didn't even explain why she was breaking up with me, and I was left clueless. Even though it was a short time that we were together, that short time was one of the best times of my life. I really thought things were changed, that she had changed. But in the end, she broke up with me the same way she did months before. With no explanation why she broke up, leaving me clueless and heart-broken. I did try to ask her why, but she just ignored me every time i tried to contact her. She's the same person she was months ago, the same person that I fell in love with, yet always breaks my heart.
  4. SuperMoon

    SuperMoon Active Member

    I know how you feel.

    You need answers and you need closure.
    It sounds like she can't give you that right now, if ever.

    I wish I had the answers for you and I know you will keep thinking about her until you have them.

    Sometimes, writing a letter to that person but not sending it can be very cathartic and healing.
    It seems like you are holding so much inside that you want to get out.

    Know that we often can love people but not be meant to be together or right for each other.
    You are a strong person for loving someone the way you do. And, it takes courage. You are not powerless, though, even though you may feel like it right now.

    Keep posting on here.
    Take Care.