How Much Do You Emotionally Drain Those Around You?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Samara, Jul 25, 2012.

  1. Samara

    Samara Account Closed

    Exhausted, tired, sad, afraid, angry, confused, hopeless, restless, concerned, worried, helpless, anxious, depressed.... would be just some of the singular words I would use to describe my effect on others, when they get emotionally close to me.

    Someone who is emotionally involved with me, is often met with a lot of pain, anguish, regret, remorse, sorrow, and utter grief. I am not over exaggerating; even. I will admit that I have destroyed people, just by being myself, the cruel, heartless, calculating self that I may often become, at no fault of anyone else who happens to experience my "wrath".

    Maybe someone here knows what I am talking about. People are just not equipped to deal with the likes of me. They are unable to cope or handle the challenges I present, and thus they become trapped in a sick spiral; the revolving door that I represent as a human being.

    Sometimes, I admit, I do pull them into the revolving door, on purpose. Other times, I don't mean it, and I am not trying to, and still, it somehow happens. Sometimes; even, I start to wish I had never met the person, so they could be safe from me. Sometimes I wish they had never met me. I wonder why they are punished by meeting me, and why I have to be that "person" who teaches them the harshest lessons, in their life?

    There is nothing, so far, for me, more heart wrenching, than hearing the disappointment in someone else's tone, or feeling the disappointment through their words. The disappointment, of course, when you clearly have somehow managed to bring them down, yet again, with something you have done this time too. The disappointment, because they weren't expecting to have to feel emotionally drained right in that moment.

    They thought they were safe for a while, and suddenly, here I am again, dumping all that baggage on them.

    I don't really feel like a victim at this point, of depression or deeper/darker thoughts; but rather feel like the abuser. Now I want to ask you, how much do you emotionally drain those around you, too?
  2. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I feel the same way most times...and that doesn't make you an said you don't mean to do it most of the time. Sometimes I do things on purpose, but it also feels like I can't stop it. I let my worst emotions get the best of me and sometimes people get the full force of them. I don't mean to be a bad person, but I guess I am. People end up hating me for various reasons, but I feel that I should be hated. So I know how it feels to emotionally exhaust people. But understand that it doesn't make you a bad's just that your depression has got the best of you.
  3. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    One of the things that I will say, is that thinking in this way, that is, so negatively about your own actions, only hurts your chances at future improved relationships with people. What I mean by that, is that being so hard on yourself, talking so badly of your effect on others, isn't healthy or helping. And that's what we truly want here: to help you! :) So, I think you know that this is what depression does best, drag us down and attempt to spread itself to each and every being that we touch--even though it's most likely not to be contracted by anybody else--it can still have its fun wrecking the happiness of our closest friends, family members and coworkers, alike. However, this is just depression doing its thing! It's a symptom of the condition: a disorder; a biological, medical condition. And it's o.k., perfectly normal in fact to feel guilty over the damage and/or alleged harm you've caused (though I know in all cases it isn't as bad as you likely think!). In short, try not to be so hard on yourself. Don't censor yourself or eliminate potential solid, positive relationships with others simply because of this perceived weakness, rather, recognize some of these past mistakes and do your best to correct them in the future. Believe it or not, you do have the power to change (even if you think you don't!). You just have to work at it... And I do know what it feels like to wreck other people's lives over my depression, it's happened so many times I sometimes wonder if it'll ever stop and reset. But I've got to fight the fight too.:) So that it doesn't become a self-fulfilling prophecy...
  4. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    I used to drive everyone around me away with my negativity.

    Come to think of it, I still drive people away... and I'm not nearly as negative as I used to be. So maybe it's just me.

    Nah, I know what you mean though. Everyone who ever tried to help me eventually ended up giving up on me. It's my own fault, because I wouldn't let them help me. Any time they tried to give me advice, I would shoot them down. I had a negative answer for everything.

    Them - "Why don't you join a club?"
    Me - "Nobody wants me in their club."
    Them - "How about a hobby?"
    Me - "I suck at everything."
    Them - "How about taking lessons?"
    Me - "I can't afford it."
    Them - "Why don't you try to get a job?"
    Me - "Nobody would hire me."

    No wonder people stopped trying to help me. All I ever did was bitch about how much my life sucked and how nobody likes me, and any time people did like me and try to help me, I subconsciously pushed them away with my negativity, and once they abandoned me, I used it as evidence of the fact that nobody likes me.

    I try to be nicer, more helpful, more positive these days... I think it makes me slightly less obnoxious than I used to be. Slightly.
  5. gloomy

    gloomy Account Closed

    Probably a lot.

    I can tell when I'm doing it and then I try to have the decency to shut up and be miserable by myself… but seriously, sometimes I can't even take being by myself. I seriously have hours on end where I hear a word or something and then it reminds me of something that happened and I just start getting so angry and upset with myself… and they're not even uncommon words and they just trigger this huge wave of self-loathing. I don't know how I'll ever be able to avoid these words, but sometimes they're hard to say aloud because I just feel so much disgust over myself because of what those words remind me of.

    Sorry unrelated tangent.