Exhausted, tired, sad, afraid, angry, confused, hopeless, restless, concerned, worried, helpless, anxious, depressed.... would be just some of the singular words I would use to describe my effect on others, when they get emotionally close to me. Someone who is emotionally involved with me, is often met with a lot of pain, anguish, regret, remorse, sorrow, and utter grief. I am not over exaggerating; even. I will admit that I have destroyed people, just by being myself, the cruel, heartless, calculating self that I may often become, at no fault of anyone else who happens to experience my "wrath". Maybe someone here knows what I am talking about. People are just not equipped to deal with the likes of me. They are unable to cope or handle the challenges I present, and thus they become trapped in a sick spiral; the revolving door that I represent as a human being. Sometimes, I admit, I do pull them into the revolving door, on purpose. Other times, I don't mean it, and I am not trying to, and still, it somehow happens. Sometimes; even, I start to wish I had never met the person, so they could be safe from me. Sometimes I wish they had never met me. I wonder why they are punished by meeting me, and why I have to be that "person" who teaches them the harshest lessons, in their life? There is nothing, so far, for me, more heart wrenching, than hearing the disappointment in someone else's tone, or feeling the disappointment through their words. The disappointment, of course, when you clearly have somehow managed to bring them down, yet again, with something you have done this time too. The disappointment, because they weren't expecting to have to feel emotionally drained right in that moment. They thought they were safe for a while, and suddenly, here I am again, dumping all that baggage on them. I don't really feel like a victim at this point, of depression or deeper/darker thoughts; but rather feel like the abuser. Now I want to ask you, how much do you emotionally drain those around you, too?