how much longer

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Wastingecho, Nov 17, 2015.

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  1. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    sleeping in a separate bed now - apparently a queen size bed is too small for two people

    second daughter moving on soon - she'll be moving by the end of the year

    son and I don't really have anything in common and can't talk without getting frustrated within minutes

    now the cats are the only company I have at night if they deign to grace me with their presence

    this can't continue much longer - can't keep staggering through the day, collapsing at night - and for what?

    I can't see a way this ends well
  2. Zname

    Zname Member

    I am not sure if this helps but you have to understand that your wellbeing is number 1. No one knows for sure what happens after this life, from a risk standpoint it is very possible that your worst day on earth could be much better than the whatever is waiting on the other end (it could be the opposite and somehting wonderful is waiting but we dont know) the thing is once its here, we cant undo it. (no one came back from the dead with a trip report)
    so you have to make your self healthy and happy with what you have.
    and you are number 1. I strongly believe that even close kin cannot be put ahead of one's health because who also suffers if and when you are hurt ?
    3 people like this.
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Here if you need someone to talk to. I agree with the above post, make each day count (hugs)
  4. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member


    Wake between 2 and 3

    Leave for work by 4:30

    Home after 6:00 - falling asleep by 8

    Over and over and over

    2 hours and I have to spend part of that cooking and badgering someone else to do the dishes all while screaming inside my head

    No future - no happiness - no friends - no energy to spend time with them even if I had any

    Already dead inside
  5. Zname

    Zname Member

    Ok I am impressed. Great people are mostly unsung. You wake up 2 am because you give a dmn, because you have ethical principles that drive you to fulfil whatever obligations in your life. Yes you might be dealt cards in life with no one close to you appreciating what you do everyday for them and yourself. Just know that you are not alone, many go through this but it is not permanent. Life changes things, shakes things up sometimes more slowly, sometimes sudden.

    its not true that no one cares, I care about you. Petal too. there will be people in your family or friends that care but dont show it either not knowing how or not being vocal by nature. when you are reliable or trustworthy people sometimes just expect things from you not in an exploitative way but in a 'one less thing to worry about' way. they appreciate you but dont always let you know. the problem people get attention because they are problematic and need more attention.

    AT anypoint if you reach the point that you cant go on at ALL. then you should make major life change whether reduce or change work, change your role at home something.. Nothing NOTHING is worth your life. I will pray for you.
  6. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    I wake up at 2 because I can't sleep - I don't have a choice - then it's dark and i'm alone

    spend whole day exhausted fighting not to fall asleep during meetings

    Waking nightmare that just won't end
  7. Zname

    Zname Member

    ok sorry. i dont know how that is although i had period in my life when I would over sleep a lot and miss very important functions. my advice stands. THere needs to be emergency pause switch for you to address this either get medicine to help you sleep, change your life style or change jobs. I had multiple job changes, it hurts when you do it but things come to pass trust me things adjust themselves. NOTHING is worth your life.
    Have you looked at all the existing information for handling lack of sleep ie managing noise, light in the room...? prescription drugs? natural treatments?

    I learned something from a very good friend of mine. He took care of his mother and sister who were both very sick at one time sometimes he was sick himself. when i was once sick he told me to kick my own ass out of bed and nurse myself. When we are ill or have issue we sometimes want to send out pings that we are ill and need help, we are vulnerable... he taught me to tune out or shut down this emotion, if i want to get better, and i dont like being sick, I have to grab the steering wheel and teat myself.

    when you are sick, you can either be hands off and let the disease or issue dictate the duration and damages or you can take control and minimize the sick and pain time, if you are in pain 5 days vs 1 day YOU are the sufferer so why let it go for 5 or more? dont wait for ANYONE.

    I hope i am not misreading you again, its hard not to assume but trying to help.
  8. Jonh

    Jonh New Member

    I am right there with you...I have no hope any is my last day here on earth
  9. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    Getting too hard to talk - tried for days - not even sure what's left to be said
  10. Zname

    Zname Member

    Jonh and Wastingecho again, I wouldn't be on any hurry to leave this earth because unlike moving to china or Timbuktu or some foreign and exotic place where we have some idea what to expect, leaving earth has a total and possibly eternal result of an unknown.

    Imagine that you have a house you built and lived in for decades and now ready to sell, would you accept a very unusual scheme whereby you have to leave and accept whatever thing or person comes in (either with massive fortune, a guy with 1 dollar bill, a serial killer, a rat... you have no idea and therefore will never take such a gamble and the same should be done with ones life.

    I might be wrong but I advocate to do whatever you have to do to save yourself (without hurting others physically). Emotionally I think its a necessary evil to leave a situation that is making you so unhealthy that you don't want to continue with Everthing. wether family relationship.

    please let me be among the things that are trying to brighten this difficult phase in your lives
  11. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member


    Not a hurry - 40 years is too long

    So tired
  12. Zname

    Zname Member

    I am sorry that you are suffering like this. only people that carry the same burden can understand i guess. I think i minimized your suffering partly because i havent gone through that, i have had my heart broken and watch the woman i loved mince it to pieces for weeks on end. It might not be the same as yours but it was very very difficult to overcome.we lived in same town i saw her almost every 3 -5 days. everytime i came home and saw her black car i had a combination of ultra elation (because i missed her so badly) and utter fear of her power over me, of getting annother sledgehammer to the gut as she often said things about the new guy or other guys in her life.. i gave her car a name in my mind it was dark vader... It was terrible to live through, partly because no one in that house knew that we dated once, and i was completely wired to everything that was her, ie someone can mention her name and i would be startle but try to hide it....
    i am now married for over 8 years faithful and happy with my family, love my wife love my kids but theere is a major wound in my heart by that woman its a part of who I am.
    i understand love to be an uneven affliction thats like a zuchni, its heavy and wide one side , thin on the other end, maybe im wrong maybe there are 2 people that madly loved eachother and stayed together but for me and what i have seen it has always been slightly onsided with one half either carrying the partneship or some like in my case giving up and walking away.
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