How much longer?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MusicalHeart, Sep 12, 2016.

  1. MusicalHeart

    MusicalHeart Well-Known Member

    How much longer can I go on like this? I can't eat... I haven't drunk anything in over two days.. I'm sick of being everybody's punching bag.. In need this to stop.. I want it to stop.. I want to disappear. How much longer? How much more pain and abuse do I have to go through? I'm seventeen (okay almost seventeen) I'm supposed to be having the time of my life, not putting up being abused by my family or being bullied at school or thinking about suĂ®cide. I can't keep doing this. I'm standing on the edge.. And sooner or later, I'm going to break. ​
     
  2. Dikta

    Dikta Autistic.

    I know the struggle with not eating or drinking for a while.
    But please do try and drink some water, tea, milk or juice. Whatever you like best.
    And try and get a little bit of food, since your body needs it and you will feel better afterwards.
    And I too know the feeling of just wants to disappear. But try writing in a journal.
    And sorry to hear about your bullying and abuse.
    Is it emotional abuse or? No need to answer if it's nothing you want to go into detail with.
    Have you sought out professional help?
     
  3. MusicalHeart

    MusicalHeart Well-Known Member

    It's physical abuse at home.. Cuz of my younger sister and her anxiety, my parents allow her to beat me.. And they don't stop it.. I'm not getting professional help because my family doesn't believe me with ,my depression and anxiety..
     
  4. Dikta

    Dikta Autistic.

    Sorry to hear that, although I must admit it seems odd how they let her because of her anxiety. Ofc she shouldn't do it at all and not being allowed to.
    And sorry to hear that they don't believe you, but believes in your sister. At least with the anxiety.
    But can you talk to the school nurse or psychiatrist, if they have that?
     
  5. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    What about telling school officials about what is going on at home?
     
    electricalanomaly likes this.
  6. MusicalHeart

    MusicalHeart Well-Known Member

    I can't.. This would be the third time I've had to talk to them about this and they said they'll call my mum and tell her..
     
  7. MusicalHeart

    MusicalHeart Well-Known Member

    can't do that..
     
  8. Dikta

    Dikta Autistic.

    Ah.. Yeah, I see. But is there no way you can convince them that it's a bad idea to contact your mother? I am I know it's probably the law making them as you are under 18, but if you tell them how it is at home (The abuse) I'm pretty sure they'll see ot otherwise
     
  9. MusicalHeart

    MusicalHeart Well-Known Member

    Can't do that... My whole family acts like it doesn't happen..
     
  10. Dikta

    Dikta Autistic.

    Sorry to hear that.
    I really don't know much about how it is in the US and such.
    But please try and talk with them again. I mean they should have that silent agreement?
     
  11. MusicalHeart

    MusicalHeart Well-Known Member

    Well they don't.. They'll call my mum.., and then I'm screwed.. I'm already grounded for "choking" my younger sister when I didn't even choke her.
     
  12. electricalanomaly

    electricalanomaly too sad to say hi.

    I'm so sorry you have to go through abuse, bullying and a hostile unhealthy atmosphere. In itself it's very unhealthy for you both physically and mentally. So please start by taking care of yourself and eat and hydrate.

    In itself, being bullied at school school is a very depressing , demeaning & humiliating experience. I experienced the same at work for the last 12 years, and ultimately I could not take it any longer and quit and decided I would rather die than go thru another day of harassment. The end result of not having energy to fight them off physically or verbally and not having a sense of humor or just plain a coward.

    I maintained my sanity by going home to my 3 shihtzus. The last of the 3 amigos passed away this year.

    At home have you attempted to talk to your family regarding your sister and abuse that you are suffering? Are you able to explain to your sister and your parents that you are getting hurt physically by her and that your parents inaction to stop her is causing you to believe that they don't care about you? Ask, why are you allowing this to occur in our home when your job is to protect each of us from harm?

    The difficult part is feeling depressed, it takes the fight away from you. So eat properly, hydrate and exersice and grab a book.

    I suggest feeling good and perhaps something on the subject of assertiveness or verbal judo.

    Coming from a beaten person, I care about your well being. Pardon my long advice.
     
  13. Dikta

    Dikta Autistic.

    Sorry to hear that.
    And that seems odd.
    But please just hang in there, it'll get better.
    I'm sure that when you're 18 things will change. At least with the school doctor/psychiatric.
    I know it's probably a long time, but it'll get better
     
  14. MusicalHeart

    MusicalHeart Well-Known Member

    I can't talk to my parents about it.. They act like it doesn't happen.. Thankfully u sister hasn't beat me lately.. Or idk what I'd do...
     
  15. MusicalHeart

    MusicalHeart Well-Known Member

    My self harm scars are also hurting really bad for some reason... So that doesn't help things. They've been hurting for over four days now.. And the pain is constant but then it'll get worse and when the pain gets worse its so much more worse that I can't even breate... Idk what to do...
     
  16. Dikta

    Dikta Autistic.

    Well I haven't experienced that with mine before. So I sadly can't help you with that.

    But it'll get better, so please just try to think positive and think of your future. When you aren't with your family
     
  17. electricalanomaly

    electricalanomaly too sad to say hi.

    If you can't talk to your parents about your sister, can you ask them to tell her to stop it before someone gets hurt?
     
  18. MusicalHeart

    MusicalHeart Well-Known Member

    Nope. Cuz they can't stop her. I'm in pain physically, mentally, emotionally. And they don't even care.
     
  19. electricalanomaly

    electricalanomaly too sad to say hi.

    Can you ask your parent to take you to see a doctor or go to the emergency room? Can you see the school nurse? Please ask for parental help or professional assistance. You're only 17, that's what parents are for. That's what adults are for, to help.
     
  20. MusicalHeart

    MusicalHeart Well-Known Member

    I can't.. And I won't ask to go to hospital. Doctors.. Aren't my.. Favourite thing.. Neither are hospitals..