How much longer...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by what.happened?, Nov 24, 2010.

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  1. How much longer must this go on? I'm sick. I'm sick and I'm tired. I feel alone. I feel like I have nobody around me. In a world full of people, I feel I'm the only one. I feel I have nobody to talk to or who truely cares. I mean yeah there's people there... but their not really there... If that even makes sense. Who knows. I don't feel like I ever make any sense. My heads in bits. All the time. Even when I'm having a so called 'good day'... It's still there... all the time... in the back of my head. That voice. That voice that tells me 'I'm good enough', 'You may feel like your fine, but we both know your not', 'your not worthy of happiness', 'your sick... your not mentally ill... it's just an excuse... your just a sick, twisted, evil person... you don't deserve happiness... the way your feeling now... you deserve the way you normally feel... to be sad and alone'. The thing is though... It's right. What good have I ever done anybody. All I do is hurt people. I deserve the way I feel and anything I may get. I definitely serve what I'm going through with my boyfriend... well not that I can even call him that.
    I feel like my head is ready to explode. I feel weighed down. Like there's no way out. No one there to help me out. People say they care. That they want to know what's going on. That they want to help, be there for me, support me. But they don't. Not really, I mean their in a good mood. Why would they want me to put a downer on that. Or they have shit of their own going on. Who can deal with other peoples shit, when they have their own going on. I don't want to burden people. Though saying that I feel that my kinda boyfriend wants to help/be there/listen to what I have to say. He asks me to talk to him. But I don't know. I don't know if he really does. Part of me thinks he does but the other part just feels like he's saying/doing what he feels like he has to. Even if he really did mean it how can I... how can I talk to him. The two main things playing on my mind at the moment I can't talk to him about. The first is him, our current situation. The second, my past. He doesn't understand, and I can't make him.

    I don't expect people to post. I just wanted to vent.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    So many destorted thoughts you have Your mind is all over the place You need professioanl care I hope you have a therapist and are on meds to help you. The thing is it is better to talk to someone outside your family your connections because that way you won't feel like your a burden on them
    I only talk to my therapist thats it no family as they just would not understand they don't have any medical background to understand it all
    I do hope you can talk to someone though with knowledge on how to help you cope and to deal with sadness when it hits hard. take care of YOU okay take time out just for YOU because you deserve happiness Don't let those distorted thoughts take over okay shut the out now.
  3. HeyKellieeee

    HeyKellieeee New Member

    There are people out there who genuinely care, i know it seems like there isn't. There wasn't for me when i needed someone. I can say i don't know you but if you or someone else i didn't know were to ask me for help i would listen and listen and truly listen. It's bull shit that people don't. As for burdening, not with me and others like me who want to help. I seriously want to dedicate my life to helping others, even if that is just listening to someones story and helping as much as i can, or even just listening and not helping at all.
  4. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    You certainly seem to be a bit manic at the moment. Are you on any meds? Have you talked to your doctor?
    We all go through those thought processes, you need to learn how to deal with them. Once you have the tools to do it, it does get easier. Never quite goes away but they become more 'survivable' if you know what I mean.
    There are lots of options for you to try but before you do anything you need to talk to a doctor. Let us know how you're getting on. xxxx
  5. I've been to my doctor... I'm on the waiting list to speak start seeing a physiatrist. I'm not on meds... I'm scared to take them... I've over dosed a couple of time but earlier in the year I got rushed to hospital and nearly died so I tend to stay away from them... even painkillers... if I have a headache I'll just wait it out rather then take anything for it... and my Mum is kind of addictive to anit-depressents... which makes me scared to take them... I've seen how she is if she doesn't take her meds... I don't want to be like that. It's not bad all the time... I do have good times... sometimes, though even when I have those good days the feelings are still there, I just manage to ignore them... blank them out. I just can't do it all the time. I feel like stuff that most people would be able to deal with... I crumble. The little bit of stress or hurt and I'm gone.... the bad thoughts are back. I just don't know what to do. It's becoming unbearable. I've struggled with it for years... thinking 'I can fight this... It will get better'. But it never does.
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