How much longer must this go on? I'm sick. I'm sick and I'm tired. I feel alone. I feel like I have nobody around me. In a world full of people, I feel I'm the only one. I feel I have nobody to talk to or who truely cares. I mean yeah there's people there... but their not really there... If that even makes sense. Who knows. I don't feel like I ever make any sense. My heads in bits. All the time. Even when I'm having a so called 'good day'... It's still there... all the time... in the back of my head. That voice. That voice that tells me 'I'm good enough', 'You may feel like your fine, but we both know your not', 'your not worthy of happiness', 'your sick... your not mentally ill... it's just an excuse... your just a sick, twisted, evil person... you don't deserve happiness... the way your feeling now... you deserve the way you normally feel... to be sad and alone'. The thing is though... It's right. What good have I ever done anybody. All I do is hurt people. I deserve the way I feel and anything I may get. I definitely serve what I'm going through with my boyfriend... well not that I can even call him that. I feel like my head is ready to explode. I feel weighed down. Like there's no way out. No one there to help me out. People say they care. That they want to know what's going on. That they want to help, be there for me, support me. But they don't. Not really, I mean their in a good mood. Why would they want me to put a downer on that. Or they have shit of their own going on. Who can deal with other peoples shit, when they have their own going on. I don't want to burden people. Though saying that I feel that my kinda boyfriend wants to help/be there/listen to what I have to say. He asks me to talk to him. But I don't know. I don't know if he really does. Part of me thinks he does but the other part just feels like he's saying/doing what he feels like he has to. Even if he really did mean it how can I... how can I talk to him. The two main things playing on my mind at the moment I can't talk to him about. The first is him, our current situation. The second, my past. He doesn't understand, and I can't make him. I don't expect people to post. I just wanted to vent.