It just keeps on building up more and more. For the last 10 years I have seen so much bull shit it makes me laugh that I am still here. I feel closer to the final outburst of my suicide more and more. Every comment that kills my spirit and makes me rock bottom by people around me brings me closer to my demise (not this forum). I don't know when that day will arrive when I will die. But I feel as if I as closer to the end of the road everyday. The end will come soon I think. All I know is that I am ready to go when I feel it is time. Its too easy to actually die and I don't know what punishment awaits after my actions. But I don't care about that too much. I might not be ready for the pain. I hate pain. But after that I don't give a crap. My existence is meaningless. I don't live happily I exist miserably. Felt really angry a few minutes ago. Now I feel relieved. Weird. Posting really does help to some extent even though I don't post that often.