Every time I see a girl siting in class that I kinda like, next/near me/, or when I'm siting in the library, and I see a girl siting alone/or just alone generally, I start crying..well, not physically, I can hold it back, most of the time, other times I just put my head down, and try to get rid of my thoughts.This problem usually messes up my day, where i feel all sad and everything, I can't focus in class, and have trouble sleeping at night, and thoughts of suicide kicks in too, mostly during this situtation. Its 2nd yr of Uni already, and I still haven't got a gf, not that I want one..well I kinda, maybe just a close female friend, I wonder what am I going to do if I ever don't get one, like EVER. what would people say/think, what would my parents do. What am I going to do when I get old, am I going to be alone by myself..ohh, that sucks. Am I even ready for a gf, I don't have many friends, I don't even love myself how can I love someone else. I guess the only reason I want to get a gf is so I can feel close to someone, and theres always will be someone waiting for me to talk to etc after end of each day. I was so nervous when i sat there in class, when I didn't know anyone. I didn't get to know many/or any at all people in 1st yr engineering. When I go inside my classes, i see so many people siting with friends, laughing and stuff, and I see some people siting my themselves. I wanted to talk to those siting by themselves, but my SA kick in and my legs walk towards an empty seat somewhere else. As I sit there by myself, I try to focus on something else to rid of my anxiety, but that never worked. How am I going to be an engineer if I can't even communicate with people. Theres no cure for people like me, except death. On the other hand, I'm afraid to die, cuz well..I get scared, like what if I fail and people catches me, what are they going to think/say about me. I think my dad have social anxiety too, he doesn't talk to many people and have little friends. I always suspected this, but never confronted him about it, we're NOT close. But he might feel otherwise. I'm writing this like a rant kinda, cuz I just got back from the library and I saw some nice girls, one in my CH E 243 class, I was afraid to look, cuz that would be like "omg, how lame". The other one I saw at cameron library, I asked a question to a guy not far from her, and she answered for him, probably taken, I thought, "Theres probably much better guys out there or one of her guy friends that would do a better job than I do" I sat there on a sofa and waited for my book i was gonna buy from someone. Another girl came and sat near me, ok, now I was really depressed, but I didn't do anything, her boyfriend/or w/e came over and they left. After I bought my book, I came back to my dorm, trying not to cry and started up my laptop, and now I finished writing this.