I don't think I am suicidal but I think about suicide all the time and often sometimes mutter aloud (more than once or twice a day) "just kill yourself" or similar words. sometimes it is embarrassing because i realise i have been overheard but the words come out involuntarily (or without me realising until i am actually saying them out loud already) and the person who has overheard tends to give me a strange look if I don't know them at all ... like yesterday when I was in a changing room and I said it outloud by mistake, this girl looked at me as if I was saying it to her! How common is this --- do a large percentage of people think about suicide all the time but without being suicidal. i hate myself and i hate the fact that i do things wrong all the time, i hate the fact that i let everyone down all the time, i hate the fact that i don't remember things and forget to turn up or do what i am supposed to do, i hate the fact that i let people bully me into doing things i would rather not do and all the rest --- and so on many levels i really hate myself which is why i think i say to myself all the time "just kill yourself" and yet i am NOT suicidal. i mean i think death sounds very good and it is nice to have an end to everything, a blessed relief, but i just don't think i am suicidal, i'm not. i just think about it all the time (involuntarily). I don't have to grab onto the table to stop myself throwing myself out the window or anything like that. what i want to know is, is this something i should consider unusual --- it is usual to me, i don't remember any time in my life from about the age of six and seven when i start remembering --- i don't remember any time without these suicidal thoughts but i am beginning to realise that other people don't have them (or at least some other people don't have them). i have always had them. i don't think it is a problem, i have lived all my life with them. i just want to know how common or not this is. does anyone know?