How often do you think about it?

[YouWillBeHappy]

Every day for me...
how it will affect each and every person I've ever met in my life
how they will react after I'm dead
when I will be forgotten
I've thought of a million suicide letters
how I will do it without disturbing society
if I should just disappear and then do it
what I should leave behind after I die
if I should leave anything behind, or destroy everything I own

Probably 30-60 minutes a day thinking about suicide *sigh*

What kind of things do you think about? How often?

 

[expressive_child]

I think about suicide everyday too but sometimes more often, sometimes less. I also think a lot about how my life could've been ordinary or even better than it is now yet it is over and I can only wish I can start again. Everything reminds me of how I wanted to change the past and it feels so bitter to know that there is really nothing we can do but to accept our fate. Yeah..I also think a lot about being in love coz I haven't been truly loved all my life, so I think about it a lot. Thats all I can think of now..

 

[YouWillBeHappy]

I think about love too... I fantasize a lot

Some of my fantasies are very specific, sometimes with people I know or once knew... mostly of bonding with people

Sometimes I revisit the past and think "I should have said this instead of this"... why do I have to have such good memory?

 

[White Dove]

every day..

every time this cancer pain cramps into my body that hurts like hell

everytime i think about two people who i loved dearly who could not even care about me to even call. let alone think about my feelings.

everytime my family says a hurt word or does a hurtful thing to me

at night when i cry

when i wake up in the mornings wondering why God has allowed me more pain and another day of hell without love from anyone

each time i am alone..

 

[liveinhope]

everyday but some days the thoughts are manageable and dont linger in my mind at the moment they seem to be more powerful than me and thats when i know im in trouble

 

[Rainfly]

Sometimes I revisit the past and think "I should have said this instead of this"... why do I have to have such good memory?

I do this too, sometimes I stay awake at night and it feels like I'm burning, thinking why couldn't I have acted differently. I know it's wrong and silly but I just can't help it. Can't find no answers in the present, the future is a great black hole so we turn to the past for answers and all we see is the mistakes.

I think about it everyday too, usually as soon as I open my eyes. I try not to but who here doesn't?

 

[Deathly Strike]

I've been thinking about it more and more lately.

There was a time a couple of months ago when all I could think about was jumping off a bridge or taking an overdose. And then I did do it, and I ended up in A&E in a critical condition and having my stomach pumped. That made me see the light, and I thought to myself that that was it. I wasn't gonna attempt anymore. But lately, after my sessions have cut down I've been feeling more and more tempted to do it again. But this time I keep thinking that I will defiantly end it once and for all.

 

[liveinhope]

i like you tried and failed like u said i wouldnt but am continuing the struggle and the fight to stay but its hard

 

[Rukia]

On some days, like today, I think about it all day. I can't do anything, because all my time goes to planning my suicide. On other days, I only think about it 20-30 times.

 

[theleastofthese]

I think about it every day. It's an escape fantasy cause I don't think I'd have the courage to do it tho I want to. I'm afraid of what it would do to my kids so I just daydream about it.

 

[the_me_that_you_know]

I have no control over my thoughts. This means that I'm always thinking. "It" manifests itself within my mind. For a reason usually, but there have been times where it was unpredictable. So I can't tell how often exactly, it's too many times in my life & it may never stop.

 

[Aegis2003]

I don´t think voluntarily:thoughts are imposed in my mind. 9 out of 10 of my thoughts are suicidal

 

[Xeloda]

i think about it 3 x a week usually around 3am - 6am.

Its weird coz I know its weak to give up but at the same time I can't snap out of it.

After a good sleep I make a realisation that its stupid (my thank you post was a realisation).

but I know its going to haunt me again on a night that I havent had sleep and have too much responsibilities to do.

When I haven't slept for 4 days its very tempting to just drive off the bridge or drive into oncoming traffic on the freeway so I can sleep forever. But then even if you go off a bridge there's no guarantee its successful - often you'll end up disabled which is worse than being depressed.

and going into oncoming cars is bad because then you're hurting someone else.

However you feel is not the responsibility or the fault of others. So in the end I just feel annoyed at myself for being depressed.

 

[am I alive]

all day,every day

 

[Incomitatus]

I can't remember the time, when i've started to think about suicide...
But in last 4 - 5 years these thoughts are continuosly spinning through by brain.
The more I live - the more I think about it.

 

[Random]

Oh. I'm quite sure I've thought about it at least once a day for the past 23 years or so. Ever since I was old enough to realize I could do it. People who know me well and have known me well have some inkling, I'm sure. But they can't ever know the hell I've been through internally.

Of course, it's always just been idle thought. I don't think I'd ever do it unless I became terminally ill. But just the thought of it, somehow, becomes a habit. I don't know how to live without thinking about it.

 

[iracund]

sometimes not so much. other times it's a constant thought itching at the back of my brain.

lately it's one of the first things that comes to mind when i get up and one of the last things that i think of before i go to bed. if i'm still capable of thought by that time of the evening.

i think this is a sign that i really need to make a change and do something else or i will be back in the pit of despair before i knew it as if i had never managed to claw my way out, even partially, in the first place.

 

[UNKNOWN_666s]

I dunno. I use to be suicidle and I use to think aobut my suicde all the time and had many plans for it. I tried it but never endedup ina hosptial because I couldnt let my parnents find out. But then I got away from it and lately its bin comign back the thoguhts I had and I had ways of amkign them go away. and i Just started to become happy again and i get these thoughts and they confuse me. Cuz I don't know what I am supsoed to do anymore

 

[kyo]

hi... this is my first post here but I wanted to express me thoughts...
everyday recently I've been thinking about suicide. no one likes me, i'm not social at all... I have no friends I think... no one cares about me... my parents just pretends to like me I think. they never do anything with me, they just let me sit on my room and let me rutten. whenever I go downstairs to eat/drink something they all look at me with strange faces... so soon I won't even dair to go down to get something to eat. I'm just gonna pretend i'm eating soon...
i think I'll just try with stopping to eat and drink and see if my endless pain can end soon, since it just grows bigger and bigger...

hopefully I might find something brigther in my life soon... but I have no reason at all to live, no person to live for, no person that needs me... is at least what I think... I hope there's just some way to end this... even if it means to commit suicide...