I'm not sure if it counts, but I was around seven when I began praying "to god" to take me away from everything. My first attempt leaving home was age nine. My first active attempt at killing myself was thirteen, also the age I first successfully left home. I'm forty-seven now.
42 - the first and only (please God) attempt - due to having become involved in something truly awful/horrendous that had blown up in my face uncontrollably from having tried to do the right thing.......(people issues). Cannot be more explicit than that or would be here for a week giving the details. But the learning that has happened since has helped me see the decision to suicide was because of insufficient trust in insufficient truth. Which is why the passage of time and the receiving of grace are wonderful healers
I can't be sure. I only know as a kid back in the 60's & 70's I did self harm. It wasn't known then so it wasn't noticed. I had several paper routes then just to be not at home. Got myself a dirt bike and rode it recklesly in hopes I would be noticed and get attention or die trying. I also flirted in gang life and criminal activities.
My first real suicide attempt was in my mid 20's. The dang truck ran out of gas!
I tried several "creative" attempts ever since and found the human body is alot more resilient than I had thought.
I love life today and don't understand why.
I was 12 years old. It was the bullying that I was experiencing that pushed me to suicide. I have attempted suicide numerous times since then, and was only caught once. Hospitals will not admit me either even when family has taken me. Where I live, people don't give a shit, I once had a cop say to my face that "people like me shouldn't be alive in society." (except he said "people like you" not "people like me").
The first time was at 19, I cut my wrists, life was difficult, trying to come to terms with oneself (sexuality). The second was at 29, an overdose (5 times a lethal dose), I found it hard to cope with the loss of my partner who died from a heart attack (in front of me), I feel unlucky to have been found and kept alive.
Now at the age of 41 I still have not come to terms with who I am, I have had enough of having to justify my existence... I have what many would call a good life yet I am feeling like it wont be long before I succeed in removing myself from society...
I wouldn't even call this a try, but five years ago I was going through an event with a woman and took a knife to my wrist, just to see how hard it is to cut into a vein. I had quite a few drinks in me at the time, and I managed to actually puncture a vein. Blood jetted out like a squirtgun. I remember laughing a bit because it was so absurd. I stopped it up by tying a sock around my wrist. At this time I also had a gun. Still do. A nice .357 magnum. I had it out, loaded and had a nice letter written out, but I just couldn't do it. I guess I wasn't ready yet. I put in one of my favorite DVDs and drank beer. I worked 12 hours shifts at the time, and had four days off in a row. I pretty much lived on beer the whole time.
Recent events have brought all those horrible emotions back in a big way, and suicide has become an option again, but it's on the back burner now.