I was just thinking. I just realized that I've been depressed and aimless all of my life. I first realized something was different about me when I was in 1st grade. I guess I was about 6 or so. The teacher asked us all what we wanted to be when we grew up and it seemed as though everyone but me had an answer. I didn't want to be anything. I just wanted to be me. None of the responses the other kids had sounded interesting. Not at all. They all sounded dull, tedious and pointless. I think my sister had decided by the time she was about 13 that she wanted to be a nurse and that's what she did. She's been a nurse for several years. I never did anything. I worked fast food for a few years. I worked as a sucurity guard for a few months. I worked at a textile factory for a couple of months and that's pretty much it. I'm 34 years old and probably haven't worked more than 8 years total in my life. Anyway. I realized it from the moment I was asked for the first time. I told the teacher I didn't know what I wanted to do and she said that I would have to think of something sooner or later. Right then, I felt the clock start ticking. But it was a hollow ticking because nothing ever came of it. I hated school. I flunked a lot. I didn't care. Math was a mystery. Reading was OK. Social Studies was kind of OK until it got to the point to where I had to remember tons of names and dates. Then, I just sat around drawing on my notepad until classes were over. I always knew I didn't have a chance.