About three months ago I met a fella on this very site. Right away you could tell we had "something". Neither one of us was looking for a relationship at the time but we just had too much in common to pass up at least being good friends. So, we talked. Everyday for hours at a time for three straight months until finally last week he came up from a different state to meet me in person. We had thought it would be love at first sight, we had hoped it would be the answer to our depression and loneliness. It wasn't. At first I thought it was me, that something was wrong with me or that I just wasn't good looking enough or I was obnoxious. Be that I have little to no self esteem it was natural for me to jump to those conclusions. As his visit continued I began to get more and more depressed- feeling that as soon as he left I would crash worse than I had ever done before. But about half way through I realized I wasn't in love with him, that he wasn't going to work for me- So, if I don't love him, why does this hurt so much? Is it that I am disappointed I'm not "in love"? Is it that I'm mourning for what I thought it would be? Should I be depressed? Should I let this effect me as much as it is? I thought I had found him, THE him. And now I'm back to square one. Alone again. I miss him already- I wish he was here with me again. We may not have been soul mates, but he was the first person to take my hand while we walk side by side and hold me while we watched a movie on the couch. I feel like I'll never find anyone again, like he was my only chance. I feel like I'm not good enough for anyone, like I'm unlovable. How am I supposed to feel?