how to be a good friend?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by morning rush, Apr 27, 2009.

  1. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    my friend(she's a girl) last week left her boyfriend. She moved out in a hurry without him knowing because she said he was abusive. Now the more I got to know them,(on both sides) the more I realised that my friend's view of some of the events isn't exactly like she said. I know she had a hard life and was abused before.

    Anyways, she left him but then in her new appartment, because she had no food, nothing she called him again and said that she meant to move in that place with him but thought he didnt want to. Anyways tonight he drove me home. And he asked me if she had planned on breaking up with him or did she really mean to move out with him.

    Now, I try to stay out of it but I couldn't lie. I don't like liying and so I told him that she had planned on breaking up with him. Now I feel bad. I so wish I could lie but it's really hard. I only lied well when I lived with my father because he was abusive and I was afraid of him.

    does that make me a bad friend?

    I want to be surportive of her but she's always lying and when I confronted her about the boyfriend thing. I had told her don't play with him she told me that she wasn't playing him, that she was indecisive that's all. She lied alot to this man and because of her traumas, she's put him into awkward situations and still he's willing to learn to live with her disabilities. How can I be a good friend when I don't agree with the way she treats him???
  2. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I think a good friend will give their honest opinion but allow them to do what they think is best for them. You said you didn't want to get in the middle of it, but when you said that you kind of did. You could've just said... I don't want to get in the middle of it.
    It's up to you, but if I were you I would stay out of it like you said, and just not answer those questions at all and leave it up to them to.
    Hope you friend is ok :heart: :hug:
  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    I don't blame you for wanting to stay out of it. But sometimes it isn't easy. When you get asked questions that you refuse to answer, then people start making assumptions about what your opinion might be or trying to accuse you of saying something you didn't say. I think you have to be as honest as possible, even if it means saying something your friend may not want to hear.
  4. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    That's exactly what I was worried about. If I say I don't want to get into it, then its like saying she might have said something bad about him. I did tell him that I don't want to be caught in the middle but I also think that honesty is important too. I didn't tell him anything about all the other things she did to him. So in that respect I wont tell him, but for that, I just couldn't lie. I was kind of caught off guard, I had no idea he was going to talk about that and ask me stuff.

    Just that sometimes being a friend is hard...and I dont want to do anything that might hurt her because I care about her...
  5. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    I think you did the right thing by not lying. And it's okay to let her know you don't agree with what she's doing. I think one of the hardest parts about being a friend is finding the courage to take a stand if you feel your friend is doing something seriously wrong.
  6. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    You did the right thing in not lying. As long as your honest then hopefully you won't be caught in the cross fire between these two.
    If you do get caught, then that is something you should mention to both of them.
  7. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    Lying usually ends up causing more problems than solving them.

    "Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive".
  8. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    Double post