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How to be comfortable on my own

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Witty_Sarcasm, Feb 28, 2016.

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  1. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    For as long as I can remember, I have had trouble with being alone. It just worries me for some reason. I have been involved with people who were not good for me for this reason. I have had friends backstab me, gossip about me, pretend not to know me when around "cooler" people, borrow things and never return them, take things without asking, or invite me over and just talk on the phone the whole time while ignoring me. I didn't confront this behavior, I let it go on for so long and gradually distanced myself from them. I thought as long as they still treated me kindly sometimes, they must care. Same with relationships more or less. I would have guys try and pressure me into things, saying I would do it if I loved them. I would be called down, told what to wear, how to act, how to live my life. Again, I just take it all in, thinking maybe they knew best for me. But I just can't do that anymore.

    So how do I find more confidence when mine is essentially near rock bottom? How do I stop attracting people who will just hurt me, and start to feel better about myself? How do I break bad habits I have had for so long? It seems simple but not so for me. I just need to find a starting point and go from there, because this is not working for me.
  2. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    The 'simple' answer is to love yourself more, and be less accepting of people who are toxic... but that's a skill you need to work on.

    I am learning that myself... I am trying to only devote my time to people who are worth it...

    I am so sorry you were treated so badly before. Use those idiots as an example of the people you don't need in your life in the future.

    Witty_Sarcasm likes this.
  3. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Thank you hun *hugs* :) I am getting better at identifying these types of people now. I don't let it carry on, I cut them off pretty quickly, and I don't blame myself for their behavior. I am glad you are starting to surround yourself with better people too, because you deserve lots of respect and care :)
  4. Purple_Thorn

    Purple_Thorn Well-Known Member

    I agree with ThePhantomLady. The simple answer is to love yourself. But we all know that skill is so goddamn hard to learn.

    For me, it's more about looking at yourself as you would a friend. Your friend deserves good relationships, good support, and a good life. And if you become your own friend, then you do too. (Because of course you deserve all of that!)

    I also had these problems and the starting point for me was going to Winger's and asking for a table for one. And treating myself. It's strange, how scared going on a date with me, myself, and I is. How scary it can be, but afterwards, how powerful you can feel. That was my starting point. Now you just have to find your own, which while hard, I believe will be great and the best one for you.
    AdamTide and Witty_Sarcasm like this.
  5. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    It really is hard to love myself, because I don't know where to start. No matter how much I care about people, they reject me and they don't want me around. So it makes me feel even worse about myself. I don't know how to shake that mindset.
  6. AdamTide

    AdamTide Well-Known Member

    There ARE good people out there. You can meet them at a support group or church or at a place you can volunteer. As far as bad habits just realize how they have harmed you and work to correct them. You first have to be happy with YOURSELF. Realize that you are a good person who deserves to be treated good. Sometimes we get scared and we just have to tell ourselves that there is nothing to fear and everything is OK and will be ok. You DESERVE happiness and don't let anybody tell you differently. The sun will rise tomorrow and you WILL be ok. Take care if yourself. There is hope.
    Witty_Sarcasm likes this.
  7. Nithin Adarsh

    Nithin Adarsh Banned Member

    You dont need anybody's approval to be happy.You just need to love yourself more.You can search all around the world and you can find noone who is worthy of your love except you.Because you're worth it my friend.
    AdamTide and Witty_Sarcasm like this.
  8. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I don't want to try anymore. I have been rejected for the last time. I won't fall for peoples lies again.
  9. AdamTide

    AdamTide Well-Known Member

    We aren't lying. We care and we are here for you. We won't give up on you so don't give up on yourself. Look for the good in each day.
  10. Lady Snowblood

    Lady Snowblood Active Member

    Well, I guess I'm the complete opposite of you when it comes down to not being able to be alone. As for me, I actually prefer being alone
    than being around (fake) people. But then again, this is because I mistrust others to an extend that it pushes me into isolation. The
    thing is, you'll never have a guarantee that the people around you will care about you forever and deserve your trust. If you - for
    fear of rejection - seal yourself off from others, you may not get hurt again. But you will also miss people who might have been an
    enrichment to your life. If it were only easier to find a balance between the two positions of blindly trusting people and not trusting anyone.
    Nah, I feel like I'm just rambling on at this point...What I wanted to say is that different behaviour will put you in a differnt position afterwards.
    Next time one of this jerks comes to you trying to boss you around, just say NO. And if this is too difficult for you at the beginning, just turn
    around and leave. Maybe escaping the unpleasant situation for a while and putting some space between you and the so-called "friend" will
    give you time to think things over and you'll come to a different opinion on how you want to react afterwards. Breaking your bad habits will certainly
    take some time, though. Anyways, good luck on your journey!
    Witty_Sarcasm and AdamTide like this.
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