How To Be Normal?

[trinisty]

Hello! I'm not that active on posting stuff in this forum, but I visit this forum everyday to read and to chat. I usually make videos on YouTube to get rid of my sadness and my boredom. My first post is about me facing a difficult times when a girl who is my best friend, now doesn't want to talk to me anymore because I confessed that I really love her. After that long post about me tried to confess to her, I realize something unusual from me. After that tragedy, I couldn't sleep for 3 days and didn't eat anything. I lost 4 kg, and I stopped working out because I felt my heart being ripped apart. I felt like "there's definitely something wrong with me", so I wanna share something with you guys:

I always feel hated... by everyone, including my best friends, my parents, all of them, even you guys. I always feel like they are FORCED to talk to me. I always feel like they always talk about bad stuff behind me, insulting me when I'm not around, and pretending to be my friend in front of me. I feel like I have 2 sides in my mind, one (A) is saying "everyone hates me, I should kill myself", and the other one (B) is saying "I did the right thing!". And the bad news is... I can't figure it out which one is right. Every time I follow the (B) side, the (A) side is always asking the same question, "do I have any proof that everyone doesn't hate me?".

More bad news, I can't answer that. I can't prove that everyone doesn't hate me. Every time the (A) side asks that same question, I can't do anything, I can't answer it, and I can't prove it, so I conclude that everyone hates me.

I wanna ask you guys a very important question to help my (B) side, how do I know if someone hates me or not? How do I prove it?

Thank you in advanced for reading my post, I love you guys! Sorry for my bad English, I am not a native speaker. Have a great day!:smug:

 

[Butterfly]

I think everybody has a rational mind and an irrational mind when they are depressed. Sometimes when you are unsure about something, in your case, whether somebody hates you or not, you do have to look at the evidence, almost like a for and against. What evidence do I have? Have these people actually told me they hate me? Have they been involved in talking about me behind my back before? Have they ever acted unkind towards me? Chances are, the answers to most of these questions will be no and you will have your answer. You have to trust your rational mind more and listen to it. Think of it as an angel sat on one shoulder, and the devil sat on the other. Who should you listen to?


I would suggest that even if you had proof that people hated you, if that is the case, then you should just cut them out of your life as they are not worth the pain and heartache.

 

[trinisty]

Hi, Butterfly! Thank you so much for replying my post. I always try to do it, but it's really hard... like REALLY hard. I feel like trusting my irrational mind is more acceptable. Maybe I need more practice and try harder. Anyway, thank you

 

[Acy]

Hi, Trinisty. I agree with what Butterfly suggested.

And consider..."Everyone" includes everyone. And it's definitely not true that "everyone" hates you, because I sure don't hate you, and I'm part of everyone. And I don't think others here hate you either. You seem to be a nice person.

When we feel down and alone, it is easy to let little things loom like big bad flaws in our minds. Perhaps you have had a bruised heart and it's a little weird and scary to put yourself back out there. Maybe look more at the good things you have to offer and don't focus on the "maybes" which are likely a little skewed because that's what depression tends to do to us.

I went to look at your profile and it says you're interested in games, paper arts, and medical science. So you have a good mind, a playful side, and artistic talent. Because I'm interested and nosy, what are your favorite games? Paper arts as in...paper cutting, origami, collage, something else? What drew you into medicine?

Hope to see you around the forums.

 

[Lorax]

"Everyone" that's silly, there are billions of humans that have no rational grounds to have ill regards to you.

You can tell someone "hates" you by: hostility, avoidance, awkward/ evasive body language, enlarged pupils (sign of strong emotional response), threats, irritation, short responses, ect. Granted some people are just shy, or struggle with 'normal' social responses.

It's really irrelevant how other people see you. People simply project their own positive/ negative feelings onto others. When we can't cope with 'side a' we blame someone else.

You're only option for long-term stability, is to love yourself, more than you care about other people's opinion of you.

It's hard, constant work. But if you love yourself, you will be able to cope with other people's flawed delusions of you.

 

[trinisty]

Hi again! Thank you so much everyone for reading and replying, I really appreciate every single words you say.

I don't think my appreciation for your kind advices isn't enough, but thank you... thank you so much.

It maybe hard for me to look at the difference between someone is nice to me, or pretend to be nice in front of me, frankly... I don't really care now. Maybe Lorax is right, I can't love myself (but I will try) so I can't feel love from someone else either.

By the way, Acy, thank you so much for your kind words. I love Minecraft, well I don't play that too often, because I need to study for my college. I love paper cutting, I usually make a lot and make a little exhibition on my social media. And for medicine, I was hoping that maybe someday, I could be a psychiatrist, because mental health is serious issues, and people tend to give little attention to mental illness.

I really love you guys, you all cheer me up. Hope you are well, have a great day!

 

[Lorax]

You "can" feel love from someone else, regardless of how you feel about your self. But, that is one of the biggest mistakes you can make.

Then you become dependent on that person for your emotional responses. What if they left? Or they are on the socio/psyco spectrum & hurt you? Or they use you?

The key is to outweigh your self-love to other people's. We have a biological "need" to be accepted, but loving your self makes life far more stable & fulfilling. Plus, it leads to more loving/ lasting/ deep relationships.