Been seeing a guy for 9 months. One or two days a week. He told me he loved me at month 3. He told me he wanted to marry me at month 6. I tried to break up at month 7 on these issues and he said he was willing to wait for me to come around. This weekend he wants to stay over NYE and I don't want him to. I have a spare bedroom and i don't think he means that. The notion of him staying over caused me such an anxiety attack i called the therapist. i like my mornings alone now. He is retired on SSDI and I usually have to pay for activities. my friends say I never see them and he doesn't want to share me with anyone so we are usually alone together. Maybe it is because he has few friends and those he does have live far away and he is always meeting new people. But he is such a caring guy and loves God and nature like I do. He has been helpful in helping me survive on my own -like shoveling my driveway when I am at work and fixing the snowblower w/o me asking him to. He doesn't have to be a carbon copy of me either. But I won't be upset at breaking up like he would be and I think that is telling. Maybe it is because I already know that the relationship is dead. Breaking up means I would have to be back in the dating scene again. Either that or back to being incredibly lonely. At my age I just want a companion I think. And that is telling. And this issue is going to come up with any guy. So maybe I am just going to be alone in my life. Maybe I should count my blessings that I have loved (my ex hubby) and that I am desired (current bf) and leave it at that. I tried writing out the words of the breakup and failed. I am scared stiff. Other than the month 7 attempt at breaking up it has been over 35 years since i dated as I was married for 30 years. I know that this forum is not for that and that breaking up is hard at any age but i would appreciate any advice.