How to break up with borderline?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Hurted, Jun 19, 2011.

  1. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    After 2 weeks of relationship with my ex-gf with borderline personality, i told her i want to break up. That was 5 days ago. All the time i was very nice to her and i didn't did a single bad thing to her. She sent message that she hates me and that i was faking that i like her and simmilar stuff. I replied with just goodbye. Today, 5 days latter she sent me sms accusing me i told everything about our relationship to my friends, when in fact i didn't - she only knows 1 friend of mine. I haven't replied on this sms yet. The fact is, I'm really scared. I did a search on web and i know what i can expect in the worst scenario. I just want to know what should i do... should i ignore her, not reply to her messages or what? Will she start stalking me or constatly messaging me? How long to borderliners ussualy do that and how severe it ussualy is? I'm really scared right now, my hearts beats so fast i feel like dying. I don't want her to ruin my life or something like that.

    Ps: The worst thing is that she thinks i wanted to use her for sex and that i was acting all the time. She is mad at me, she said she hopes i'll die.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    The best thing you can do is block her from all your sites change you cell phone number your phone number and have no contact with her okay. The more you respond the more she will continue to contact you. cut all ties okay that is the only way. You said your say if she does not believe you then that is her problem Yes she is hurt in pain but for her to move on she cannot have any feed back from you hugs
  3. Datura

    Datura Well-Known Member

    Don't allow her to intimidate you, that is precisely what she wants. She is angry because you left, and she is coming up with some deluded, manipulative tactic to get you to respond, to tell her it's not true.

    Don't give into the craziness. Borderlines are nuts, good for you in breaking up. NO CONTACT INDEFINITELY.
  4. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    I blocked her on all social sites and emails, the only way she can reach me is on mobile phone. Unless she decides to stalk me. Do you think things can get so severe i'll have to report her or something? I mean i read some personal expiriences of other on web and seems that sometimes they just let you go. So in last few week she sent me few smses why am i ignoring her and stuff like that... i hope she will stop and things won't come to a point where she will treaten me.

    Thank you. I'm in love with her. But i am aware that it's just acting, she seems like my soulmate because she is like a mirror - she is my reflection. I know i'm strong enough to not give in, i'm just really anxious what she will try to do to get me back, so the problem is not going back to her, but staying away from her.
  5. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    She'll probably move on pretty quickly. They're not the stalking type - stalking is dedication, borderline is frivolity.
  6. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    I surely hope you're right about this.
  7. wild rabbit

    wild rabbit Well-Known Member

    probably the next stage will be she will turn the situation into you being a class a s**t, she will call you for everything to her friends and maybe even, if its in her history, have some futile minor self harm incident, but this will very much be her choice and attempt to make you feel like you have no option to return.

    You say she was like your mirror, this is because she probably had a crappy upbringing and self preservation took over, so she developed skills in retaining nice people in her life. One skill is to charm people- i know this sounds quite calculating, but it really isnt, its subconscious- and one way is to reflect actions and behaviours of that person which instantly puts that person at ease. So unfortunately what you saw wasnt the true person, but unfortunately her life is so hard she probably doesnt have a true self.

    Its unlikely once you get put into the s**t category you will ever be moved out of it, so dust yourself down and move on.

    Im aware this may appear deeply critical and cruel towards people with borderline pd, and people with this issue often face a great deal of negativity, unfortunately though, if you are on receiving end of some of the defensive behaviours you may end up feeling responsible. No one is really responsible- well perhaps the lack of care received as a child, or lack of loving environment- but that still doesnt mean you shouldnt move on comfortably.

    keep your head down and move on.
  8. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    Wild Rabbit, that's what i'm afraid...
    But there is one important thing i forgot to mention. Beside me, only one friend and her mother know some things about her. As she is aware she has BPD, but doesn't know what it actually is, she doesn't know what is wrong with her. So, when i told her i was into psychology as my hobby, she opened up, and told me so many things about her, that nobody knows, from having sex with strangers to threatening with suicide to other people... When we broke up, she was threatening me not to tell anyone about what i know... Is it possible, that she will simply not talk about me to others because of fear i will tell others what i know about her?
    Yesterday i was talking to our mutual friend (the only one, but i'll have to unfriend him for obvious reasons). He said she told him we broke up and she looked very depressed about it... then again, he said she told him i was very kind when i left her, which was really surprising to me, as she told me she hates me and hopes i'll die.

    As far as self harming is concerned, she doesn't do it, and i also haven't noticed any scars on her body.

    I understand what you mean with mirroring. I'm glad that i found it out early enough, as it was the triggered me to leave - otherwise i would risk everything and stay because of her being my "soulmate".

    I still have the hope that she will simply forget me, move on and not talk about me to other people, at least to those i know. I think she is a quite private person.
  9. lostbutnotfound

    lostbutnotfound Well-Known Member

    I wish you the best of luck with this girl, and hope she is able to move on.

    I suffer from BPD, and just wanted to say that we're not all completely psychotic, like is believed :laugh: . I have more difficulties than others in regards to relationships of any kind, and alongside my attachment disorder, I find it hard to let go. However, I have never stalked anyone, I have never spread rumors about them, or even talked about them to my friends. Yes, I am occasionally bitter, and yes, it's harder for people with BPD to deal with this sort of thing more than most, but I just wanted to say that not all of us are as crazy (within the relationship context atleast :laugh: ) as we are made out to be. I have no doubt how hard it is to be on the receiving end of the behaviours of some people with BPD, and I'm not belittling it in the least, but I thought I should comment, because I have kept an eye on this thread and seen a couple of generalizations. I'm not getting on anyone, I just wanted to say that not all of us fit into every catergory we are assumed to be. I'm in a relationship atm, and it's very up and down, due to my mental health, and his, and if (Heaven forbid) it ever ends, I would be devastated, but I wouldn't put someone I love through pain, intentionally at least.

    Anyway, I should stop rambling :tongue: , good luck Hurted, and keep us updated :)