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How to deal with a downer?

IDontWantToDie

Well-Known Member
#1
I cant... it just pisses the hell out of me.
So i have a friend, and shes a great person and all... but she is such a downer... all she does is sighs a lot, says that life sucks, that people are stupid, and everyone should die, and she wants to die, and everything is ugly, and the weather is always bad, and everyone is always wrong, and being positive is dumb, and people are always annoying, and everyone is out to get her.
...i cant T_T like, i am okay to listen, to be there... but when you have to listen to this bullshit every day... while fighting suicidal thoughts and delusions yourself, it gets tough. I dont want to die, i want to get better, i want to heal. I want to love.
But the first thing in the morning i have to listen to her complain about how things are horrible. Its been years. Im not talking about few times. Its been... years. And she takes no advice, no encouragment, nothing. Im afraid i might lash out one day, and then im gonna be the bad guy.
I'll get over it, but... what to do? I dont know anymore. Maybe I should stop talking to her.. i mean she hasn't done anything bad.
 

johnDoen

Well-Known Member
#2
I cant... it just pisses the hell out of me.
So i have a friend, and shes a great person and all... but she is such a downer... all she does is sighs a lot, says that life sucks, that people are stupid, and everyone should die, and she wants to die, and everything is ugly, and the weather is always bad, and everyone is always wrong, and being positive is dumb, and people are always annoying, and everyone is out to get her.
...i cant T_T like, i am okay to listen, to be there... but when you have to listen to this bullshit every day... while fighting suicidal thoughts and delusions yourself, it gets tough. I dont want to die, i want to get better, i want to heal. I want to love.
But the first thing in the morning i have to listen to her complain about how things are horrible. Its been years. Im not talking about few times. Its been... years. And she takes no advice, no encouragment, nothing. Im afraid i might lash out one day, and then im gonna be the bad guy.
I'll get over it, but... what to do? I dont know anymore. Maybe I should stop talking to her.. i mean she hasn't done anything bad.
This friend is a toxic one due to the fact that she is draining you every morning.

A good thing to do now is to tell her to stop, something like "You know what? I've been listening to your bullshit every single day and like, you've never taken my words seriously to make a room for a damn improvement in your miserable life. Bitch, please! I have my own life too! And I'm not going to be your diary, just so you can write down how much you hate your life. Move along, take this as my last advice to you: GET A LIFE. Do not talk to me until you have something different to say."
(I think of Mean Girls but I read these lines in Janelle Monaé's voice, I blame Hidden Figures for this).

Then, avoid her and reply "I have said enough to you" whenever she tries to talk about the usual negative stuff.

Of course, if you send her a message like the one above (please, don't copy it), she would either make a drama out of it (telling everyone online and through phone calls/texts that you are a bad friend, etc.) or accept it and apologize to you. If she has ever made something like a drama before, she will likely repeat it but she will learn something after a handful of people have refused to talk to her.

Remember to learn to forgive your friend. Forgiveness heal.

PS: I'm not a counselor, a therapist nor anyone who is trained in relationship counseling. I recommend getting advice from people whom you know and are familiar with in real life because I'm male, from a different country and speaking English as a second language.
 
#3
Sorry that this is happening.
I'll get over it, but... what to do? I dont know anymore. Maybe I should stop talking to her.. i mean she hasn't done anything bad
I agree that talking to her about this would be a good idea, but I'd recommend an approach that is frank but diplomatic.

Maybe you could tell her that you value her as a friend, but because you are struggling with suicidal thoughts yourself, some changes are necessary.

Maybe you could agree that you could tell her "I can't deal with this right now" if your interactions are getting you down. Maybe you could ask her to do something supportive for you too.

I think it's also ok for you to end your friendship with her if that's what you feel like you really have to do. It seems though like she's got some good qualities, so it would be a shame to throw the friendship away if there's a chance that the relationship can be repaired.
 
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IDontWantToDie

Well-Known Member
#4
This friend is a toxic one due to the fact that she is draining you every morning.

A good thing to do now is to tell her to stop, something like "You know what? I've been listening to your bullshit every single day and like, you've never taken my words seriously to make a room for a damn improvement in your miserable life. Bitch, please! I have my own life too! And I'm not going to be your diary, just so you can write down how much you hate your life. Move along, take this as my last advice to you: GET A LIFE. Do not talk to me until you have something different to say."
(I think of Mean Girls but I read these lines in Janelle Monaé's voice, I blame Hidden Figures for this).

Then, avoid her and reply "I have said enough to you" whenever she tries to talk about the usual negative stuff.

Of course, if you send her a message like the one above (please, don't copy it), she would either make a drama out of it (telling everyone online and through phone calls/texts that you are a bad friend, etc.) or accept it and apologize to you. If she has ever made something like a drama before, she will likely repeat it but she will learn something after a handful of people have refused to talk to her.

Remember to learn to forgive your friend. Forgiveness heal.

PS: I'm not a counselor, a therapist nor anyone who is trained in relationship counseling. I recommend getting advice from people whom you know and are familiar with in real life because I'm male, from a different country and speaking English as a second language.
Ugh, that's a bit harsh, haha
She's not someone who would make a drama out of it. As i said, she is okay... but so.... negative.
I know, i still have to talk to her about it. I have to somehow call her out and then just avoid her when shes negative. I did it today, and its not that bad. I mean, if she gets upset that i ignore her... well there is nothing i can do.
Thanks tho, i loved reading your idea!
 

IDontWantToDie

Well-Known Member
#5
Sorry that this is happening.

I agree that talking to her about this would be a good idea, but I'd recommend an approach that is frank but diplomatic.

Maybe you could tell her that you value her as a friend, but because you are struggling with suicidal thoughts yourself, some changes are necessary.

Maybe you could agree that you could tell her "I can't deal with this right now" if your interactions are getting you down. Maybe you could ask her to do something supportive for you too.

I think it's also ok for you to end your friendship with her if that's what you feel like you really have to do. It seems though like she's got some good qualities, so it would be a shame to throw the friendship away if there's a chance that the relationship can be repaired.
Yes, thats the thing! I don't think this is a reason to end it all.
Talking does wonders. I will try to be more direct with her
 

Walker

Admin-a-monkey
ADMIN
SF Social Media
SF Author
SF Supporter
#7
I think you have to try to say - nicely - that you want to be there for her but you're fighting your own battles here too and her attitude isn't helping. Frankly I don't see the friendship lasting all that long. I think you should branch out and pick up some more positive people in your life. (not ditching her or anything, just picking up some new ones also) You tend to become much of what you surround yourself with.
 

IDontWantToDie

Well-Known Member
#8
I think you have to try to say - nicely - that you want to be there for her but you're fighting your own battles here too and her attitude isn't helping. Frankly I don't see the friendship lasting all that long. I think you should branch out and pick up some more positive people in your life. (not ditching her or anything, just picking up some new ones also) You tend to become much of what you surround yourself with.
So true!
 

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