How to deal with friends

[Supreme_G]

I attempted suicide about three weeks ago. The how and why isn't important but instead of a suicide note, I left an email for my best friend on the other side of the world. I didn't expect her to read it immediately and I hoped it would be over by the time she read it. It wasn't and I put her through the five hours of hell while she tried to talk to me and I refused her phone calls and emails. Needless to say, when I survived, she refused any contact with me.

I want to be mad at her but I don't know what I would have done if I had been in her shoes. I'm just so hurt that she doesn't see I emailed her because maybe sub-consciously I was asking her help and to ignore me now hurts me more than any anger she could lay on me.

It was my birthday on Saturday and I would've bet my life against it but she just didn't even wish me a happy birthday.

What do I do? I can't keep begging and apologising but I also can't lose her or fix myself without her.

 

[shades]

I'm not going to say anything to intentionally lay a guilt trip on you. You've been through enough. But I can understand how she must feel. I am now in the anger phase of dealing with my best friends suicide. He left no note. I don't know how I'd feel if he had left me a note and survived but I know there would have been an anger phase. However, I am not one to hold on to any one feeling for long and I would have moved on to forgiveness. Give it a little time and try to get in touch with her again.

I hope your friend does the same. You are lucky in a way that you have the opportunity to see how an attempt and notes affect your close friends and family (which you don't mention). I hope this, with therapy, etc...helps to prevent any such attempts in the future. And now that you know we are here, I hope you'll take advantage of the support that the wonderful people here can provide.

Best of luck to you and better days ahead. If you want to send me a private message feel free to do so.

Please take care of yourself.

Mike

 

[total eclipse]

First i am glad you are still here and as for your friend i can tell you she is hurting maybe fearful angry so many emotions in her right now that she has to work through. She is feeling pretty devastated right now so please understand she needs to heal from all this. I am glad you are here so you can get support you need to stop this from happening again. Give it time okay show your friend by actions not words that you are working towards getting yourself better stronger work on you first and when your friends sees the changes then maybe just maybe the trust she had in you will be mended.

 

[Supreme_G]

She's literally on the otherside of the world so aside from flying across the globe there is no way I can know how it is affecting her. I don't know where her head is at and I just feel so helpless. I got an email from her right now saying that she doesn't want anything to do with me ever again.

For the first time since the attempt I am sorry that I didn't succeed and it is killing me that I feel this way again.

I don't know what to do because she refuses to talk to me.

It just really hurts right now.

 

[Menchi]

This is unfortunately one of those things which is not easy to deal with. The first thing i would recommend might be hard for you to do; try to give it time. With things like these, usually you have to wait it out.

While you are still struggling with those feelings, try to post on here where you may usually turn to this friend for support. There are always people here willing to help you through things, who have been through the same.

I'd say try not to talk to her for a little while, then try writing an e-mail, to explain what happened to her. I would guess she is more upset about you ignoring her, than because of what you were considering doing, so i would say it is that you need to make sure you consider when sending her that e-mail. Explain how hard things may have been on you, but don't make it an excuse, make sure she knows that you didn't mean to block her out like that. Most of all, be patient... if she is a good friend to you, in time she will talk to you again, and you will work things out.

 

[silent_enigma]

Also in the meantime work on finding more friends. You can never have too many.

 

[Supreme_G]

Thanks everyone. Knowing there are people willing to listen means a lot.

My therapist is helping me to see that if she can turn away from me this easily, maybe it isn't just me who needs help- she has her own issues that she needs to work through. I'm going to give her time but I'm also preparing myself for it being the end even though it is the hardest thing I've ever done.