I'm Andy and I'm 21 years old and dealing with depression and regular thoughts of suicide. My entire life has been a waste and I don't see a future for myself. I've never had a real friend, only acquaintances that came and went. I sleep all the time and I don't go outside the house anymore. I no longer know what fun feels like, everything appears to be a distraction that is ultimately pointless, I can't enjoy anything. I get emotionally attached to people too easily, without me even knowing I'm doing it, and it always scares them away. I've been to several different counselors and psychiatrists, and I've been through all kinds of anti-depressants in the past 8 years and I've never really seen any difference. I've spoken to a lot of people, all of which try to push me to take part in more activities, I just don't see how I can have the drive to do any of these things when I barely want to live. My only dream is to one day have a family. More than anything I want to be a father. My broken family and my own troubles with the opposite sex have severely squashed that dream, though. I feel like I am closer to the edge than I have ever been and I don't know what to do anymore. I don't think I can swallow my pain and keep going on this time, I just know that I have to do something soon.