how to deal

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by astella, Aug 24, 2009.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. astella

    astella Well-Known Member

    A lot of the people I care about no longer care about me (if they ever did in the first place). They want me to die, and they've said so, to each other, behind my back. My closest friend who I care about very deeply said to another "friend" that he is only remaining friends with me until college. Then he doesn't care if I die; he's just afraid I'll get him in trouble if I die because of him, my life doesn't mean anything to my friends. Sucks that I found out they thinks that, doesn't it? At least for them. I've always cared about the truth above all else, and I'm glad I know the truth. The truth does hurt though. I really wish people cared about me. I'm just useless in the end though, I guess.

    I'll die. Be forgotten. And no one will care. That will be the end of that. I really wish people's lives mattered.
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    I know this probably seems unlikely to you but I care about you.
    See I too came here to SF when nobody cared about me and I was at my end in life and I had a basically painless foolproof method-I wanted out. But I came here and found people that cared about me and then that progressed to friends that care. This can be the same for you too if you stick around.

    I am sorry your friends are no longer ones to count on but perhaps it goes both ways in that you have outgrown them?

    Either way you will find support and friends here so I hope you stay..

  3. astella

    astella Well-Known Member

    I can't give up on my friends since I expect them not to give up on me. I love them unconditionally, even if they want me to kill myself now. :)
  4. Goldfish

    Goldfish Member

    Its wonderful that you dont want to give up on friends that you feel have given up on you. You dont sound useless at all. They dont sound like very nice people if they want you to die though. I'm sure they are just mixed up.

    In the meantime talk to the lovely people here x
  5. Emo_kitty

    Emo_kitty Account Closed

    i just want to tell you that i care
    hope things get better for you
  6. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    People's lives do matter and yours is just as important as is anyone's. Please give us a chance to help you. Do not question why we care...we do! Feel free to pm me whenever you wish.

  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hey sometimes friends can be really stupid but if you are heading out to college you will make more friends. Friends that are more mature and with your same interest. We care here as alot and support each other here. Your so call friends will grow up someday and realize what a great friend you were until then go out and make new ones show them all you are not dependant on them and post here we do care.
  8. astella

    astella Well-Known Member

    What if I die? My best friend told me that if I kill myself, everyone will just move on with their lives and not care after about a week or so. I don't matter to anyone, and when I'm gone it will be like a little blip in people's lives. No one will try to save me. My friends don't care that I feel this way. They don't want to help me. Instead, they hate me for being depressed.

    They only like me when I keep all my feelings to myself.
  9. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Wow. What lovely friends you have. :blink:

    WE care. Stick around and talk to us :hug:
  10. astella

    astella Well-Known Member

    Yeah, I know, but it's my fault for not being a good person. I mean, I die, so what? The world will be a better place. :)
  11. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    how do you know this you are too young to know what the future holds for you or your friends. If you move on to college there will be more freinds more opportunities to change things life will not be better when you gone life will be over and just pain for others to deal with.
  12. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    you know sometimes we think that we are bad but its the people around us that are need to find new friends who care about you and are interested in what you have to say...they are out there you just gotta find them...and it seems that on here there are alot of people who would love to be your friend..why not give them a chance?
  13. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    That sucks... who needs friends though ive been alone and miserable for a while, and im still surviving alone.
  14. astella

    astella Well-Known Member

    I haven't felt this depressed in a long, long time. For the last three hours, my best friend told me everything that was bad about me and said he sees me as just an acquaintance. The thing is, he's right. I'm a worthless person, and no one can change that. I really don't know if I want to live. I feel so completely worthless and empty.
  15. astella

    astella Well-Known Member

    To everyone here who said they were my friends: Nope, you're not. I die, you wouldn't care the least. You wouldn't even know. I'm not a good person or a useful person. No one would miss me, even the people I consider my friends, at least not for long.
  16. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Hi Astella,

    You sound pretty angry, which is natural if people have let you down.

    Can I ask why you say you're not a good or useful person? Is that what you think, or is it what you've been told? I feel that way about myself, but tell myself that my worth isn't all tied up with how much or how little I 'give' to others (well, I try and tell myself that anyway!)

    Please post and tell me how you are doing.

  17. astella

    astella Well-Known Member

    I'm really sad and I'm tired of living. I didn't ask for this. I have the right to my life, so I should be able to choose not to be alive if I don't want to participate in the world as it is now. I can't even talk to my friends about being depressed or they won't like me anymore. And that's the only way I was ever able to cope with feeling this way.
  18. astella

    astella Well-Known Member

    I don't even want to deal. I just want my friends to like me, and I want to die.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.