I have been hanging around the peripheries of SF for a while now, returning when my moods take a turn for the worse & trying to find solence in helping others when I cannot help myself..But the one reoccurring feature is that when I lose control of my my moods, I start to control my weight... Like others on here, I have a long standing ED, unlike others I am not a teenage girl, but a grown man, with a steady job as a senior nurse..And now I am in the grip of my sweet mistress. I have managed to drop over a stone this month, taking me below the 130lb mark (I am 6'0 tall and quite a solid build) yet all I seem to do is amend my target ever downwards with each passing week.. I am now taking an average daily intake of less than 300K/cal and resent every allowing anything to pass my lips despite working 13hr night shifts..My clothes no longer fit me & if it wasn't for the baggy scrubs I wear at work I am sure that someone would catch me out.. I have no idea why I am writing this..Maybe I need someone to tell me that I am doing ok? Or maybe this will be my last swing through the beautiful emptiness of starvation? All I know is that I am alone in this..Intellectually I know she (My ED) controls me, not the other way around but no amount of logic will stop me reaching my next goal even if I know I will just reset the target ever downwards.. I will manage to disappear completely..Like the mote of dust on the wind, I do not want to be helped, nor stopped...I need someone to talk with, preferably here in England..But somehow I doubt I will find them..