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How to do anything?

nihilistic

Well-Known Member
#1
It has been a while since I've logged in here. I was fully immersed in a major life change - moving ~800 miles away from everything familiar - and somehow I've been handling that pretty well. But, of course I'm still me, and now that I'm settled in and no longer preoccupied with "a thing that is happening" I feel just as incapable as ever. I can't make myself do anything. Not even things that I want to do. I'd still rather do nothing. I'd rather be nothing. I can't handle anything. Everything feels empty. I don't want antidepressants. I don't want therapy. I can have a conversation with myself and talk myself through a lot of feelings, but if another person wants me to talk I can't do it. My brain turns into a rock. People always suggest the same things: exercise, sleep, therapy, medication. Please. I was once obsessed with my weight and exercised all the time, and my brain still broke, so clearly that isn't a permanent solution. Maybe I would like to get more exercise, but that brings me back to the problem which is I CAN'T MAKE MYSELF DO ANYTHING. I know that I'm difficult and annoying. I also know that everyone is difficult and annoying in their own ways. I don't expect anybody else to solve my problems, but I am open to suggestions as long as they're not basic platitudes. In the past, I was able to trick my brain into doing things. Unfortunately, that doesn't seem to work anymore. I'm trying to stave off the old urge to give up completely.
 

BarryW

SF Supporter
#2
Hello nihilistic,

I think that I do remember your name and avatar from some time back.. we must have posted on a few threads together.

I feel just as incapable as ever. I can't make myself do anything. Not even things that I want to do. I'd still rather do nothing. I'd rather be nothing. I can't handle anything. Everything feels empty. I don't want antidepressants. I don't want therapy
All of this applies to me.

You're speaking straight to my heart. I was just talking with a friend about the cycle I feel stuck in of getting really bad/suicidal, having a specific plan to die, then moving to a new town which lasts for a couple years and then it starts getting bad again.. and eventually I feel I have to move again to survive.

I know you are looking for suggestions, but I'm sorry I don't have any.
 
#3
The link in my signature has some information about treatment methods. There might be something there that can help. Here's a copy of the link in case you're on a phone.

Treating Depression, Anxiety, Insomnia, Pain; Other Suicide Help
I was once obsessed with my weight and exercised all the time, and my brain still broke
Obsessions, as well as too much worrying, thinking can sometimes be the cause of problems. While some exercise can be good, too much exercise is also a problem.

I hope things can get better soon.
 

nihilistic

Well-Known Member
#5
There's sooo many things that I wish I knew how to do
That's how I feel. Especially when I see somebody who also struggles with depression and anxiety do things, I don't understand how they do it. And they're not all on meds, but maybe they do therapy. I just can't see that working for me.
 

nihilistic

Well-Known Member
#7
I did have some hope that moving would bring me back to the surface, and at first I think it did. But already I feel like I'm sinking again, like I'm trapped in a hole.

I know you are looking for suggestions, but I'm sorry I don't have any.
That's okay, I do appreciate your response. I'm not glad that you feel this way, but there is some comfort in knowing that I'm not the one single person on this planet who gets stuck in this loop.
 

BarryW

SF Supporter
#8
How long were you feeling improvement (if that's not too strong of a word) from having moved? It's very possible that it just 'wears off', but I wonder whether something specific changes or happens that brings us back to the bad spot without noticing the correlation. Just brainstorming here.
 

nihilistic

Well-Known Member
#9
How long were you feeling improvement (if that's not too strong of a word) from having moved? It's very possible that it just 'wears off', but I wonder whether something specific changes or happens that brings us back to the bad spot without noticing the correlation. Just brainstorming here.
Last December, I experienced a very dangerous crescendo of destructive feelings. Fortunately, I found something that helped me work through it, and since then my mind has been more stable than possibly ever before in my life. But I didn't expect it to be a permanent change anyway.
 

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