It has been a while since I've logged in here. I was fully immersed in a major life change - moving ~800 miles away from everything familiar - and somehow I've been handling that pretty well. But, of course I'm still me, and now that I'm settled in and no longer preoccupied with "a thing that is happening" I feel just as incapable as ever. I can't make myself do anything. Not even things that I want to do. I'd still rather do nothing. I'd rather be nothing. I can't handle anything. Everything feels empty. I don't want antidepressants. I don't want therapy. I can have a conversation with myself and talk myself through a lot of feelings, but if another person wants me to talk I can't do it. My brain turns into a rock. People always suggest the same things: exercise, sleep, therapy, medication. Please. I was once obsessed with my weight and exercised all the time, and my brain still broke, so clearly that isn't a permanent solution. Maybe I would like to get more exercise, but that brings me back to the problem which is I CAN'T MAKE MYSELF DO ANYTHING. I know that I'm difficult and annoying. I also know that everyone is difficult and annoying in their own ways. I don't expect anybody else to solve my problems, but I am open to suggestions as long as they're not basic platitudes. In the past, I was able to trick my brain into doing things. Unfortunately, that doesn't seem to work anymore. I'm trying to stave off the old urge to give up completely.