so guess it runs in the family have another cousin just like me but older that is homebound cause hes parents could not fantom him existing unless he does anything other than great stuff, hes was not ment to have a ordinary job or life, he had to be extraordinary and was for a while till he lost it
Youd think they have high standards and stuff and they do but for some reason it only applies to the kid, im not going to list all the dumb low things they do and the precarious conditions i was raised in but it makes me crazy angry the things they expect from me and the situations they put me in cause they r so alienated of their reality and the economic and social limitations we r in
basically i was meant to be successfull artist and nothing less, regardless, of the local art mob, economic issues, health issues and social isolation
Why r they doing this to me i dont know, cant tell if they r that cruel and psychotic or just mentally alienated am guessing a bit of bot
and just dont know how to deal with it anymore, its so painful and have no one to talk to but them
its like reality does not apply to me, i have to live in their fantasy bubble, if im ill its not real or worth careing about, guess only if im on my way in being a renownd artist or winning the lottery( though that is not snobbish enough) im worth their attention
they make me gag , for real
Just dont know how to deal with this anymore, my mom throws the few money we have an any shit possible but non of us are going to the dentist or doctor even though we all should, they r old and dont care and no one cares about me so its seam for me, they just pretend everything is ideal and fantasy, reality is not worthy of them, i want to kill them
it triggered me today, i had a discussion with my mom and guess she just wanted to hurt me cause was talking about how hard it is to get a job here and she made it out it was the good thing to do to force me into art school, even though she knows it was torture for me and she knew what she was doing(most people r impressed to have such a fancy diploma but reality is its crap for me and it was for nothing since all jobs i ever got was on different field than my diploma, i already had art highschool to show im interested in the field) , i just cant live with this,
i want to go in their room right now and shout at her and throw all the crap she buys out the window and funking kill her
its like they love to torture with with they demented denial of me and reality its like im a puppet in they personal cathartic role play
Youd think they have high standards and stuff and they do but for some reason it only applies to the kid, im not going to list all the dumb low things they do and the precarious conditions i was raised in but it makes me crazy angry the things they expect from me and the situations they put me in cause they r so alienated of their reality and the economic and social limitations we r in
basically i was meant to be successfull artist and nothing less, regardless, of the local art mob, economic issues, health issues and social isolation
Why r they doing this to me i dont know, cant tell if they r that cruel and psychotic or just mentally alienated am guessing a bit of bot
and just dont know how to deal with it anymore, its so painful and have no one to talk to but them
its like reality does not apply to me, i have to live in their fantasy bubble, if im ill its not real or worth careing about, guess only if im on my way in being a renownd artist or winning the lottery( though that is not snobbish enough) im worth their attention
they make me gag , for real
Just dont know how to deal with this anymore, my mom throws the few money we have an any shit possible but non of us are going to the dentist or doctor even though we all should, they r old and dont care and no one cares about me so its seam for me, they just pretend everything is ideal and fantasy, reality is not worthy of them, i want to kill them
it triggered me today, i had a discussion with my mom and guess she just wanted to hurt me cause was talking about how hard it is to get a job here and she made it out it was the good thing to do to force me into art school, even though she knows it was torture for me and she knew what she was doing(most people r impressed to have such a fancy diploma but reality is its crap for me and it was for nothing since all jobs i ever got was on different field than my diploma, i already had art highschool to show im interested in the field) , i just cant live with this,
i want to go in their room right now and shout at her and throw all the crap she buys out the window and funking kill her
its like they love to torture with with they demented denial of me and reality its like im a puppet in they personal cathartic role play