Why is forgetting so difficult? At times, I feel like i'm so sure of everything in my life... and i'm in charge... then a thought and wham! back to my hurting again... sleep used to be a refuge, an ally... then like a creeping traitor, my dreams will start to haunt me... follow me even in waking hours. I hate myself... hate it when i caught me talking to me... hate me for the needing when I know that my needs will come back unfulfilled. We're doing fine, even happy sometimes. But the thoughts of betrayal always betray moments of almost-contentment, then i'll start hurting again. I can not forgive... I can not forget... I can't help myself... how can I go on when I can't help but feel like I died a thousand deaths?