I'm been struggling with depression since 9th grade... I am now almost 20 years old and I'm still going through it. It all started when my mom got diagnosed with chronic depression, she then lost her business and my brother and I had to move to live with my dad and stepmom while she rented a room in a house full of people since she was too unstable to take care of us. My mom is my best friend and without her I felt more alone than ever... I had friends throughout high school but only a couple until they all stabbed me in the back and I lost them all for different reasons. I then met this guy when I was 17 and he was my first love but I lost him after two years due to him cheating and treating me poorly not to mention the details. After that, all I had was my family and still no friends although I tried to meet new people but wasn't able to. I got a job at a daycare where I meet no one my age and haven't been able to find any other jobs despite all the resumes/interviews I've had. I still don't know what I want to do in school and even when I went, no one made the effort to talk to me. I just currently met another guy online and we've been dating for the past six months. We've had a lot of problems mainly because of my jealousy and him wanting more freedom but also other issues amongst that. We aren't talking as of now and I'm afraid either I've lost him for good or I need to get rid of him for good on my own even if he still wants me. I've never loved someone as much as him so losing him would mean me starting over once again without meeting anyone and feeling like there's no reason to live anymore. I've spent the whole day crying and having not a single person besides my mom to talk to(whom I now live with after all those years), but she doesn't realize I need friends my own age and a life besides just going to her to talk to. I'm so devastated that I've thought of different options to kill myself but I'm too scared... if my boyfriend and I do break up though I feel like there's no point in anything. Help?